The Morgan Chronicles

Lighter

2010-08-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

I feel like a weights been lifted off my shoulders today. Just got a message from my University saying they're delighted to accept me onto the Journalism course. SO relieved.

The stress of trying to find a replacement University at the last minute would have made me go insane.

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Results Day

2010-08-21T10:59:00.001-07:00

Phew. I got my results in the early hours of this morning and they went pretty good! Thankfully I've done enough to secure a place on the course I wanted to join at University.

I ended up having to go to an Internet Cafe which was pretty scary. Sat at 'Terminal 4' and tried logging on, but obviously everything was in Spanish. I guessed at what to click and ended up on the Internet. The original plan was to check my college website using my mobile phone but for some reason it wasn't accepting my login details. That was the last thing I needed.

I had a bad feeling about the whole morning too. The worst storm I've ever seen hit the area where we were staying just because I headed out to the Internet cafe. Not exactly a good omen, is it?

Still - I'm relieved, pleased, and exhausted. Yay?

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Results Eve

2010-08-21T10:58:00.001-07:00

Results tomorrow. Not feeling so confident anymore. Looks like It'll be a miserable end to the holiday if I'm not too chuffed!

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Over the Hills

2010-08-21T10:57:00.001-07:00

Travelling over to the other side of the mountain our villa overlooks tomorrow for a little exploration session and a bite to eat.

We've been there before and it's an odd place. On one side you've got the nicely kept, posh restaurants and coastline and abit further inland is a more enclosed centre walkway that I've always felt nervy walking down. The fact it's poorly lit, combined with the fact I've watched enough horror films to give me an idea of where nutcases lurk ensures I won't be going down there again out of choice.

I'm probably being over-the-top as usual. It's probably not as dangerous as I think.

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Gulp

2010-08-21T10:56:00.001-07:00

Get my A-Level results the day after tomorrow. Oh. My. God.

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Nurofen

2010-08-21T10:55:00.001-07:00

I've taken about 8 Nurofen today to combat the ear infection. The little white capsules of hope seem to be doing the trick, although I'm feeling abut drowsy. Now I mention it, I suppose I feel like I'm trying to hibernate in a tree and some lumberjacks starting up his chainsaw and woken me up.

Does that make any sense? Probably not.

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Sideways

2010-08-21T10:53:00.001-07:00

Eardrops arrived. I can't hear a thing now. Bloody swimming pool. Looks like I'll be spending the last few days in Spain with my head against a table tilted to one side so the eardrop fluid flows deep into the head.

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Throb

2010-08-21T09:20:00.001-07:00

Sat here this evening and my ears are throbbing. Does that sound like a song lyric to you?

Looks like a yummy infection's on the horizon for me. I'm particularly susceptible to ear infections which is bloody annoying. It's too late to head down to the Pharmacy this evening so that'll have to wait.

If I do risk going in the pool again I'll have to wear earplugs. I hate earplugs. The fact that when I wear them I can hear my heartbeat makes me feel weird.

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Pizza and Nipples

2010-08-21T09:18:00.001-07:00

Went to Denia today (check spelling) and had some Pizza from a nice Italian restaurant. Been trying to get ahold of Wi-Fi since arriving in the country to check emails. Still no luck with that.

Going to Denia was a welcome change from staying more local. It's a small town the other side of the mountain that we can see from our roof. On a side note, we now refer to the mountain as 'Nipplus' because it resembles; well, a nipple.

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Waterpark

2010-08-21T09:16:00.001-07:00

The waterpark was fun. We got to see a British man fall off of his rubber ring and walk the rest of the waterslide. Naturally, this annoyed the lifeguards and gave then a reason to blow their whistles repeatedly, despite the man going, "Ye, ye, I can 'ear you mate".

On the way into the waterpark there was a person in a dolphin suit stood next to a woman with a camera around her neck. The idea was that she was meant to photograph families and such as they entered the park. We really didn't want a picture and so politely told the woman. That was a mistake. Her eyes widened at the prospect of a family declining a picture with a sweaty Spaniard in a blue dolphin suit, and she hissed back at us, "I'm only doing my job!" before muttering something else under her breath.

I wanted to punch her in the head.

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Nervy

2010-08-21T09:13:00.001-07:00

Petrified of receiving my A-Level results on the 19th August. The thought of not doing myself justice after hours and hours of revision makes me feel ill. What's the point of putting in all this work if you've got nothing to show for it? I'm quite hard on myself at the best of times so not getting the results I want would really hit me quite hard. I get the results the day before we leave Spain. It'd be a shame to leave the country all deflated like most of our lilos. We'll see.

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Waterpark Eve

2010-08-21T09:12:00.001-07:00

Going to the Waterpark tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to. The weather people are predicting rain tomorrow (Rain in Spain!?) so hopefully people will be put off going and it'll be fairly quiet. I look forward to sliding down a flume trying to dodge thunderbolts. Sounds perfectly safe.

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Karts and Sandals

2010-08-21T09:09:00.001-07:00

Went Go Karting today, which was fun. As we were waiting for our turn to get onto the course we decided to watch the people already racing. As the chequered flag was shown, the karts had to slowly approach the pits by navigating through 2 large white barriers. As one of the guys made his way to the pits I remember turning to my friend and saying, "He's going abit too fast, isn't he?". Sure enough, the pasty white Brit slammed into the barriers in beautiful, comical fashion.

He looked pretty shaken up. Turns out he got his sandal caught under the brake pedal. Sounds like a scene from the film 'Final Destination' to me.

Anyway, then we got to go on. I span out once from approaching a corner too quickly but my second stop was intentional. I was coming down the straight and the floor of the kart lowered slightly which meant the metal floor was scraping along the ground, causing sparks to fly up. I stopped the kart, kicked the floor upwards and carried on. It was either that or finish in 1st place but with 80% burns. Maybe the Go Karts there were cursed.

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Poolside

2010-08-21T09:07:00.001-07:00

Hung around the pool again today. It's nice to have afew lazy days. Now we're well and truly settled in we'll head out more in the evenings. Went out this evening and we saw a 5ft man in a black vest that said 'I Love Ibiza' on it, along with sandals and tight denim hot pants and a back with more hair than a salon floor. We were tempted to get a picture with him but decided against it. Upon reflection that was probably the right decision.

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Storm

2010-08-21T09:05:00.001-07:00

Spent the last 30 minutes watching nature at it's most awe-inspiring. Our villa seemed to be in the middle of a tropical storm. Still, being awe-inspiring isn't everything. After finding out there was a programme on TV about nicking 'Junkies' from Essex we went inside and watched that instead.

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2 Down

2010-08-21T09:04:00.001-07:00

Since visiting the Lilo shop earlier today we've lost 2 of our purchases. The rubber tire blew up after one of us tried to dive through it. As for the volleyball we bought, it's now at the bottom of a cliff. Still, at least the 'double bed' Lilo's still alive. For now..

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Lilo Temptation

2010-08-21T09:02:00.001-07:00

We're at the end of our first full day at the villa. Started out by driving down to the local town to buy food and lilos. The temptation to buy a bunch of inflatables got the best of us. I think we left with about 6, one of which Is the same size as a double bed. We probably emptied the shop owner of all her stock. Wouldn't be surprised if she announced her retirement after we left.

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El Woof Woof

2010-08-21T09:01:00.001-07:00

Just saw a stray dog, which got me thinking intellectually. I wonder if the dogs here think in Spanish?

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John McClane

2010-08-21T08:57:00.001-07:00

I'm not a nervous flier, but our pilot today didn't half slam the plane down onto the runway. It's like he got bored of circling the airport until getting landing clearance so just ended up landing the plane like John McClane. I felt like I was on the Millennium Falcon. Star Wars reference? Classy.

Luckily, the elderly woman in front of me was a genuinely nervous flier so I had something to watch when my iPod ran out of charge.

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Off the Plane

2010-08-21T08:56:00.001-07:00

I'm going to class this as day 1, but we've just got off the airplane. After being metaphorically punched in the testicles by the car rental company (Who apparently claim we cancelled our rental car 2 weeks ago, which we didn't) we're faced with an hour drive to the villa.

First impressions of Spain are mostly positive. I've been here before so there's nothing new. Although in saying that, I don't remember it smelling so bad last time I travelled here. Smells of yogurt and dung. Lovely combo.

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Airport Tomorrow

2010-08-21T08:53:00.001-07:00

Going to the airport tomorrow, which is strangely one of my favourite aspects of going on holiday. It's essentially a 5 hour build-up checking in and whatnot before you finally get on the plane, but I still think it's exciting. Is that sad? Most likely.

By the way, I can guarantee the person in front of me on the airplane will recline their chair all the way back. Happens to me every time. I'd love to have the nerve to knee the chair and make the person in front jolt forward as a show of my anger. Unfortunately, I don't have the nerve to be so rude. I'll stick with the usual method of sitting there timidly and just moaning about it quietly to the people sat next to me.

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Driving Test

2010-08-03T13:45:00.001-07:00

Passed it. Woot! Nothing else to add.

A Week Until Sun

2010-08-03T13:43:00.001-07:00

Only 7 days until our holiday to Spain, which should be great. I'm sure I'll get a nice ear infection from the pool as usual. Something to remember the trip by. I also look forward to enjoying the Spanish Go-Karts, no doubt run by a pair of middle-aged men in white vests, ponytails and with questional moral values.

BT - British Tyrants

2010-08-03T13:42:00.001-07:00

Our internet service provider 'BT' are kicking off because we're using too much Internet. Funny. I thought the service they offer entitles us to go on the Internet without being told off. Tossers.

"I Am But a Goldfish"

2010-08-03T13:35:00.001-07:00

This is odd. About 4 months ago I was at college with a friend (College has since ended, and I miss it alot!") and we had an hour spare. Being young, free and stupid we eventually ended up on a website that asked us to submit a poem about one of our pets for the chance to be published in a poetry collection entitled "Animal Antics". Classy.

Long story short - My poem about my Fish Bob (Beautifully named 'I Am But a Goldfish') seemed to impress. I got a formal-looking copyright letter through the post asking me for my signature and permission to publish my poem in the book. The funniest thing about my poem is that I wasn't being serious. It was a joke entry. I think one of the lines was 'I am but a goldfish, awaiting treats from above'. Touching, right?

I seem to remember my friend Thomas also wrote an entry. Unfortunately, his portrayed a rather morbid story about his cat getting run over. Can't see that getting into 'Animal Antics' 2010. Shame.

"Recommended for You"

2010-07-31T14:22:00.000-07:00

What kind of person does Youtube think I am?

Spain Win World Cup!

2010-07-11T14:09:00.000-07:00

Approximately 10 minutes ago Spain won the 2010 World Cup. The game got off to a slow start, and the first half was fairly dire. The second half, on the other hand, was much more heated. Even Nelson Mandela (who was there to witness the final as a crowd member) probably thought he was going to get fouled. Obviously the circumstances the players found themselves in were so stressful tackles were getting sloppy and cards were being issues thick and fast.

I think Spain deserved the win. Their opponents Holland seemed to have resorted to bullying Spain off of the ball with questionable tackles in the extra time stages. Spain won with dignity. Congratulations!

'Vampire' Causes Car Crash [NEWS]

2010-07-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

According to a woman driving through Colorado, a 'vampire' appeared in the middle of the road, causing her to crash her car into a canal. The woman was understandably startled by the 'vampire', quickly putting her SUV into reverse upon seeing the supernatural sight. Unfortunately, the woman wasn't looking where she was going, meaning her and her car found themselves in the water.

The woman wasn't injured in the collision and her husband eventually arrived to give her a lift home. Sadly, the 'vampire' wasn't seen afterwards. I'm guessing he felt abit guilty for standing in the middle of the road and causing all the commotion. The situation would have made more sense if the 'vampire' was found to be intoxicated. At least that would explain the abnormal standing-in-the-road-weirdly behaviour.

But, surely you can't get drunk on human blood?

Caravan Stolen With Owner Still Inside! [NEWS]

2010-07-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

William Roberts was happily relaxing in his caravan when he noticed something odd - It was moving and he wasn't driving. It turns out the caravan was just tempting for 2 passing 'crooks'. I'm not sure what the crooks looked like when this took place. I'm guessing they were carrying a giant bag with a dollar sign on it, whilst wearing some tights over their head and a black and white striped shirt. Stereotypical? Maybe. unfortunately, they probably didn't look like that.

Look at it. It's just too tempting. I want it!

Anyway, the 73-year-old caravan owner was startled to find out that the crooks had stolen the vehicle without realising he was inside. When the crooks stopped off at a lay-by, William took the opportunity and made a quick getaway on foot. The man has since told the media "I'm lucky, if I hadn't woken up I could have ended up anywhere or with an iron bar through my head".

Call me picky, but I doubt if you'd had an iron bar through your head you would have woken up, William.

Asian Black Bear Becomes Kung-Fu Elite [NEWS]

2010-07-07T04:27:00.000-07:00

The animal world can be an odd place. News recently surfaced that an Asian Black Bear kept at Asa Zoo, Japan has learnt to spin and flip a stick in such a way that he looks like a professional martial artist. Video footage (shown below) has allowed the bear, named Claude, to show off his skills to the world. I'm pretty sure if Jackie Chan died and was reincarnated as an animal, this would be the result.

When the footage was first released, many were led to question whether it was real or not. Major news companies such as CNN and CBS sent journalists to investigate the rumour and to their surprise, the Bear's antics really turned out to be genuine.

Zookeepers at Asa Zoo originally decided to give Claude a stick to help combat boredom. Clearly, there's nothing particularly exciting going on in a square, fenced-off enclosure. Who'd have thought it? Over the span of 8 years, the nimble bear developed a talent for - Stick-spinning? Not sure what to call it, really. During an interview with The Telegraph, Professor Marc Bekoff (an animal behaviour expert) stated, "I would guess this [behaviour demonstrated] is the result of extreme training and it would be hard to believe the animal taught itself this spontaneously".

Clearly there is still indecision as to whether the bear was taught these tricks or not. Still, I'm not fussed about that. I'm just certain I don't want to get on the wrong side of Claude.

Lorry Full of Money Overturned [NEWS]

2010-07-07T04:04:00.000-07:00

Every now and then you can find yourself in the right place at the right time. Motorists travelling along a highway in Southern Italy couldn't believe their luck after a truck containing approximately 2.5 million euros in coins was overturned in an accident, allowing passing motorists to take as much of the money as they could grab! During the accident, the truck's rear door was forced open from the impact and in a matter of seconds money was pouring out of the slot like a giant casino gambling machine. On wheels.

Before the Police arrived at the scene, a significant amount of the money had already been taken. Reports state that cars made off with a total of around 10,000 dollars in one and two euro coins, which was actually being transported to local banks in the areas until the accident took place.

What would you do in the same situation? Would you take some of the money?

YouTube and Justin Bieber's Website Hacked! [NEWS]

2010-07-06T05:34:00.000-07:00

In an undeniably funny series of circumstances, a collection of popular websites were 'hacked' by an anonymous group (Perhaps we could call them 'Internet terrorists'?) as America celebrated the 4th of July. Recently, fingers have started to point at a site named '4Chan' as the group behind the attacks. Another theory states that the website 'Ebaumsworld' have something to do with the events. It is thought that the 4th of July was an ideal time for an attack of this nature as this was a day where Internet security was likely to 'lapse'

Among the sites that were hacked were YouTube (Due to a bug in the video scripting people were able to alter the makeup of the YouTube videos page so that unsuspecting viewers searching for a 'fat man doing the moonwalk'(for example) were forwarded to various, lets say 'crude' websites) Furhtermore, hackers were able to insert a fake warning message on the homepage of YouTube that stated teen singer Justin Bieber had
died in a car crash during the early hours of the morning. Obviously, this wasn't true, but it still caught the Google technical support team with its pants down.

A spokesman for google stated "We took swift action to fix a cross-site scripting vulnerability [which allows hackers to place code into a site] on YouTube.com that was discovered several hours ago. Comments were temporarily hidden by default within an hour, and we released a complete fix for the issue in about two hours. We're continuing to study the vulnerability to help prevent similar issues in the future"

Luckily for YouTube, the Google team were able to remove the bug on the video-sharing site within a matter of hours,after receiving an onslaught of complaints from angry and confused Internet users. Still, not everybody was safe from the attacks so quickly, were they Mr. Justin Bieber?

Yes, Bieber was also targeted directly by hackers, with his website being taken over in hilarious fashion. A poll on Bieber's website featured a question that asked viewers where they felt he should tour next. Creative hackers managed to alter the poll so North Korea flew to the number 1 suggested location, with just under 500,000 votes being cast for this option. Israel followed in the number 2 spot.

You've got to admire their creativity, haven't you?

Odd, Surreal, Surreal, Odd

2010-06-30T14:26:00.001-07:00

This is my last day in college. Just under an hour and I'll be going home for the last time. Seems odd. Very surreal. Also sat in the same computer centre that I wrote my first blog post in. Also very surreal. And odd.

In this weeks ego-boost news, I've had about 1100 people look at this blog. Wow!

A2 Over!

2010-06-30T14:25:00.001-07:00

Just had my last exam. Overall, I'd say they've gone pretty average-ish. It's nice to have abit of freedom now. It means I can beef up the blog with more news stories about foreign people with extra limbs and snakes that smoke cigarettes etc. You've missed it, haven't you?

Capello

2010-06-30T14:20:00.001-07:00

The medias grasp is tightening on the England manager, and many people are saying he should resign. unfortunately, he's already signed a contract that bounds him to the club for another 4 years. Rumours say that he's on about £6,000,000 a year, which you'd think could afford him some common sense. It's a shame that England's World Cup dream has sunk like the Titanic (actually abit quicker than the Titanic) because it would have been amazing to see the hype justified.

I can't work out whether to feel sorry for the team or angry that they performed so badly. I'm undecided. I'll stay sat on the fence for this one, I think. Doesn't matter if the Enland team try and kick me off the fence. They'd miss.

Goodbye World Cup!

2010-06-30T14:17:00.001-07:00

England have crashed out of the World Cup in fantastic style, loosing to a German team that may aswell have pulled the trousers down of each and every English player on that pitch and spanked them. Because that's what the match was - A graphic, 1-sided spanking.

Controversially, our second goal went in. It crossed the line by about a foot, and the linesman didn't see it. Naturally, that linesman's hated in England now. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a sniper lying in wait on a roof across the street from his house. An English sniper; obviously.

Admittedly we deserved to loose. Our defence was about as useful as a pencil with no lead, and Wayne Rooney (who's meant to be one of our 'dark horses') was about as good as an actual horse, if not worse. I'm pretty sure even Black Beauty could have at least got a touch on the ball before the Germans dribbled past.

Daisy

2010-06-30T14:14:00.001-07:00

I haven't mentioned my dog much on this blog really, which is unusual seeing as she's done so many weird, bandwidth-worthy things. Anyway, mother nature has seen her blossom into a dribbling, water-trough diving mess. Here she is, sat in a field looking like there should be a beauty magazine title photoshopped above her head.

Vein bitch. No really, she's a bitch.

Toe

2010-06-30T14:10:00.001-07:00

Stubbed my toe the other day and spent about 30 minutes mounted to the kitchen sink soon after. Here's some evidence for you:

The weirdest thing about it was the aftermath. I didn't even notice I'd stubbed it until I looked down at the kitchen floor and it looked like a scene from a SAW film.

Annoyingly, I had to resort to wearing 3 socks on the same foot which meant I walked lop-sided, like a dazed, clumsy bleeding drunk.

The World Cup

2010-06-30T13:57:00.001-07:00

I can't think of any sport that brings people together like Football does. England vs. Slovenia was being shown at college today. It's the first time I've seen the plasma screens used for something other than displaying students 'artwork', which often looks like somebody took a gulp of paint and sneezed it back out. Still, they can get away with it because it's art. The problem with art is if you slag it off you always get somebody defending it by saying something along the lines, "Of course you don't like it. You don't know good art when you see it!" or "you've got to look beyond the picture!"

England VS. Germany - World Cup 2010

2010-06-27T14:55:00.000-07:00

The whole nation rolled its eyes to the sky and muttered 'shite' under its breath today after England were knocked out of the World Cup following a 4-1 defeat.

Admittedly, we were outplayed in terms of creativity, vision and finish.

But - One of our efforts at goal did actually cross the line. It was about a foot over. Anybody could have seen that. Anybody. Yet, the referee played on, and the goal was disallowed. I think the fact that Football is arguably the most wide-played and popular sport in the world and yet Goal-line technology has not been implemented at professional level (especially for a large scale event like the World Cup) is completely ridiculous and unjustified.

Having that goal disallowed completely changed the psychology of the English team. Understandably, they were dispirited. So was the rest of England.

Here's a video of the goal that was disallowed:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu8BQrV4koM

Finally, here's an artists impression of what the linesman probably saw:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/I-saw-Lampard-SCORE-against-Germany-2010/128077717229017?v=wall#!/photo.php?pid=132048&id=128077717229017

Muse - Glastonbury

2010-06-26T16:07:00.000-07:00

It's very hard to put into words Muse's incredible performance this year at Glastonbury music festival 2010. Starting at 10:30 and going into the early hours of the morning, the set proved something we all already knew. An incredible band with incredible music, creativity, talent and spectacle. Muse are the one and only reason I'll ever want to go to festivals like Glastonbury and Reading.

Full Circle

2010-06-19T13:51:00.001-07:00

Today's my last day at college! I'm going to miss everybody that made it such a laugh. Thankfully I didn't have any bad teachers over the years which helped make lessons slightly more bearable.

To mark my final period at college me and my friend attempted to get the I.T man to put the infamous 'THE COMPUTERS ARE FOR COLLEGE USE ONLY' by going on Youtube.

He wasn't interested. Seems a shame, really. It's also weird to think I started this blog at this college, sat in the I.T centre, twiddling my thumbs.

Microsoft and STD's

2010-06-08T10:10:00.001-07:00

Is it somehow tragic that I found this amusing? I was putting some notes together for my Media exam revision and at the bottom of the page it said 'INSRT STD', which to me translates as 'Insert sexually transmitted disease'

Since when were Microsoft so filthy?

[Click to enlarge.]

Cobwebs

2010-06-07T13:28:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody. Yep, I'm still alive. I haven't even looked back at this blog recently. I've had so much else occupying my time. I mainly mean revision. June is exam month and if I want to get anywhere I need to do well in these exams. I've been doing well in terms of dedicating lots of time to studying. It'll be a shame if my efforts don't prove to be worthwhile.

As soon as my exams are over, I can focus more attention on this blog. I miss having the freedom to research news stories and write about then. Thankfully, when the exams are over I'll be able to bulk up both the 'News' section and the 'Reviews' section of the blog. I haven't written in either of those sections in what seems like ages.

I'm going on holiday in the summer and so plan to write daily while I'm there. Spain; if you're asking. Naturally, my daily logs will be full to the brim with wit and sarcasm, traits you've learnt to love / put up with.

Watch this space!

Wake Up

2010-05-26T00:37:00.001-07:00

This is easily the worst thing to stare at after you roll out of bed and turn your computer on.

[Click to enlarge. Unless your eyesight is incredibly good.If you can read that without enlarging you're most likely a monster.]

Alien Spiders

2010-05-16T13:15:00.001-07:00

Woke up at 6.30am this morning thanks to a horrific dream that consisted of a giant spider dropping through a hole in the lounge ceiling and proceeding to kill my whole family in alphabetical order.

Snot Factory

2010-05-16T13:14:00.001-07:00

I had a mock exam today, so it was important I could put my full attention into what I was doing. Unfortunately, my nose prevented me from doing this. I produced more snot in an hour during that exam than a cow produces milk in a year.

There's a high chance I pissed off most of the class with my sniffling, and I left the room with tissue particles welded to my jumper which, rather annoyingly, was black.

Visitor Review - Tim Cade

2010-05-14T03:03:00.000-07:00

Many thanks to Time Cade for his delightful take on The Morgan Chronicles:

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It is not often that one becomes so bored that they consider brutal mutilation of oneself with a small and very blunt pencil, which would be rammed constantly against ones own temple until it, or your skull cracks and your last hours of misery end with you slumped over the computer – the eternal bark produced by your machine as you head rests against the keys as it plays you off into the dark valleys.

That however is what the unwitting Internet surfer is faced with when exploring the endless amounts of blogs that confront them in World Wide Web. Bloggers; a race confined to soiled chairs , where their chubby fingers, wallowed in the stench of grease and fat stumble aimlessly, like the eternal drunk across their keyboard in an irremediable attempt at constructing a sentence worth any perception.

The Morgan Chronicles is such a blog. The writer, or should I say the conductor of this shambolic keyboard march is the impetuous Tom Morgan. A member of the imbecilic masses he adopts a moronic stance on topical news, raping it of its value and repackaging it as material so senseless it is laughable.

Take a recent ‘news story’, one which reflects the utter insensateness and pathetic perspicacity the conductor has on current affairs. An article written at 13:41 on May 7th illustrates brilliantly the author’s stupidity in even his own affairs. “Unfortunately, I haven't been able to vote because my voting slip wasn't posted to me” was a quote from such article. I offer my complete condolences, providing his mind can swallow such a word because supposedly not being able to exercise his right to vote is a sad thing. I will also go as far to say that I ‘recognise’ a statement at the end of one paragraph “I think the problem with the voting system is that too many people make uninformed decisions” to be one of validity. Yes Tom, too few people do understand the voting system and make uniformed decisions, one of them being yourself. It is no requirement that you bring your poll card to the polling station it just speeds up the process. As long as you applied and are recognised on the list then you can vote – no need for a polling card. As you brilliantly put it : "Point proven, I think"

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Remember, if you want to submit a chronicles review simply send it to me via E-mail at sharkbait92@hotmail.com - Remember, the reviews submitted have to be negative and humorous. Get writing, folks!

Cameron becomes the new British Prime Minister!

2010-05-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

Gordon Brown has stepped down as Prime Minister as David Cameron has taken over. I really don't envy Cameron here. Running Britain must be a tough job. I can't even run a squad on Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.

Undoubtedly this is going to be a particularly influential moment for Britain in terms of its future. However, one cannot deny how outrageous of David Cameron it was to postpone tonight's episode of Eastenders to address the nation. It seems Facebook agrees:

Facebook Group 1 - "Yay Eastenders is on! Only joking, the prime minister's resigned" - Members: 40,000+

Facebook Group 2 - "David Cameron forgot to apologise for postponing Eastenders!" - Members: 2000+

Election Sleep

2010-05-06T16:18:00.001-07:00

I'm going to sleep now. It's 00:07am of the day that the election results will be revealed. Pretty much all the major news channels (e.g. BBC, ITV, Sky, Channel 4) are covering the event and, as interesting as it's becoming, the constant onslaught of numerical charts and ever-changing figures are sending me to sleep.

Apparently there are storys appearing of people being turned away from polling stations because of an unexpected amount of voters and perhaps a lack of preperation from local authoritiess preparing the stations too.

It's an odd thought to think that when I wake up there might be (it's looking likely) a new power running Britain.

Nighty night.

The Elections

2010-05-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

The elections have become a massive talking point in the media recently, and it makes sense that I document today so I can look back at this blog post and go "Ah yes, the day ____ won the election. How memorable." Today, the voting began and later this evening / in the early hours of tomorrow morning it'll be revealed who has won the election. The main runners are of course The Liberal Democrats, Labour, and The Conservatives.

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to vote because my voting slip wasn't posted to me. Clearly, my opinion means nothing.

To be honest, I'm not terribly gutted not to be voting. Sure; it would be nice to have an impact on a day that'll most likely prove to be extremely influential to Britain, but I don't like the idea of voting without knowing a significant amount about each party and working out who to vote for through looking at that policies. I think the problem with the voting system is that too many people make uninformed decisions.

Somebody at college today said they were voting Liberal Democrats because they thought Nick Clegg's tie looked nice when he appeared on the live television debate last week. Point proven, I think.

Nerdy Excitement - Part 2

2010-05-01T14:55:00.000-07:00

Turns out my Just Cause 2 video reached another gaming website! This time the article's written in English. you can check out the link below:

http://unrealitymag.com/index.php/2010/04/28/crazy-insane-just-cause-2-stunts/

Click the picture for a closer look

Again, the article takes the form of a collection / list of stunts uploaded to Youtube, but it feels great to get a mention! I particularly like the caption they use to go with my video:

'Sure,you could survive that'.

Click the picture for a closer look

Comedy gold, Unreality Magazine, comedy gold.

Nerdy Excitement

2010-05-01T14:35:00.000-07:00

As a nerd, it takes very little to excite me. Recently, I uploaded a video of myself crashing a car on a game called 'Just Cause 2', an experience essentially consisting of blowing things up and shooting terrorists and ninjas with various equipment you buy out of the back of some old guys jeep.

About 30 minutes after uploading the video, I was surprised to see that I'd managed to clock over 3000 videos views in a couple of hours. I used the YouTube 'Insight' feature to find out where all this Internet traffic was coming from.

Click the picture for a closer look

Turns out my video's featured on a German gaming website as the bottom of the page, in an article on Just Cause 2! Check out the link below for the full article:

http://www.giga.de/top-themen/00151051-just-cause-2-grenzenlose-stunt-freiheit/page_7.html

From my extensive knowledge of the German language (not.) I've gathered that it's some kind of 'Top 10 things to do in Just Cause' list. My stunt's under page 7. I'm famous in Deutschland, yo! From the homepage of the German gaming website, I clicked this banner to take me to my video.

Click the picture for a closer look

World Domination

2010-04-27T09:50:00.001-07:00

Below is a map showing where people are looking at the blog from. As you can see, I'm taking over the world. What a horrible thought.

As for all you Americans out there, you're not safe either. Looks like The Morgan Chronicles has taken over the East coast by storm! Sort of / Not at all.

Click the pictures for a closer look to track the global phenomenon that is The Morgan Chronicles.

Timetables

2010-04-27T09:49:00.001-07:00

Made a revision timetable yesterday, essentially comitting myself to approximately 2 months of revision and thus 2 months of a spiralling journey to insanity.

Trust

2010-04-27T09:47:00.001-07:00

Once in a while I find it's beneficial to look through your junk email folder just on the chance you strike gold.

Today I did. After looking excitedly through various messages on 'how to get ripped in 4 weeks' and 'how to be a beast in the bedroom' I found a message from a 'Mrs Amina Phillips', who has decided to leave me $9.5 million in her will.

You've most likely gathered 2 things so far. Firstly, this message is obviously just a scam to get me to hand over my credit card details and secondly, Amina Phillips is a very generous lady.

Click the thumbnail above to have a look at the full message.

I'd like to thank the writers of this pathetic scam message for producing a comedic gem. I've got afew questions about the content of the message though. What kind of woman doesn't trust her own relatives and would rather give $9.5 million to a complete stranger? Secondly, what kind of respectable lawyer uses his MSN Hotmail account to process a $9.5 million transfer?

My faourite line is "I know I have never met you but my mind tells me to do this,and I hope you act sincerely."

The Van

2010-04-23T14:02:00.001-07:00

It's relatively hot in England now and so everybody with a pulse is now sporting very rarely worn shorts and skirts. Obviously which of these people are wearing depends alot on their
gender.

The Ice Cream van has taken up it's usual spot by the front of college, which is convenient for the people that smoke because their 'cage' is about a fags throw from the van.

I like the way the van is placed in an area where everybody can see it. it's like a lion preying on a limping gazelle, but instead using overpriced drinks and heart-attack-inducing, sugar coated lollipops to stalk prey.

Snot Bomb

2010-04-23T14:01:00.001-07:00

Today I forgot to take a hayfever tablet in the morning, which makes me nervous. Why? Because now I'm a ticking snot bomb just waiting to go off. I have no idea when the sniffles and snotty nose combination will strike, but I know they'll strike hard when they do.

Visitor Review - Sam Greatorex

2010-04-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

Many thanks to Sam Greatorex for his thoroughly poetic Morgan Chronicles blog review:

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I wouldn’t know how to describe the Morgan Chronicles if you asked me,

Upon trying to access the blog from college, I was greeted by a notification that it has been blocked for “antisemetic content.” Perhaps I should have taken this as a warning of what was it come, but no, foolishly I continued undeterred in my attempt to gain access. Once free from the iron grip of Internet censors, I returned, and was finally able to view the forbidden content which lies within.

As a writer, Mr Morgan exudes an overwhelming sense of immaturity, barely being able to transcribe a single rational sentence before falling back into his well-practiced retinue of bad jokes and poorly attempted sarcasm. Despite this apparent lack of direction, demarcations between the focus of particular entries have been created, namely between the “News Page” and “Game Reviews.” From my analysis, the “News Page” leaves much to be desired; it consists almost entirely of plagiarised news segments from the Metro. Any original content which does accidentally find its way in is almost invariably written in a tone appropriate for a child who had only recently learnt how to read. The reader is patronised repeatedly by the way in which Mr Morgan writes as if to indicate that he is speaking to an audience, a lie which is made so painfully obvious by the fact that almost every article has not a single comment or ratings, and indeed, the total number of page-views for the entire blog barely exceeds the total number of articles which have been published.

If you thought the “Game Reviews” section was going to be an improvement, then you have been sadly mistaken. This section merely serves as a deceptive attempt to direct more page views to the blog, as evidence by the comments from a young Yugoslavian boy who left a comment reading “What? This isn’t IGN!” Indeed, from statistical data I have retrieved, the Yugoslavian boy seems to be the only regular visitor to the blog at all, whether this is due to his own will or a technical glitch is point of considerable debate. A ‘bounce rate’ of over 50% is yet more evidence that I am not alone in my desire to leave this blog almost immediately after the page loads - the revulsion one experiences is not unlike how it feels to listen to Nick Clegg talking about the benefits of a multicultural society.

To conclude, with absolutely no redeeming factors, this blog is an abject failure. Do not under any circumstance ruin your low blood pressure by attempting to wade through the ineptitude which seeps out of Mr Morgan’s keyboard. This blog is going nowhere.

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Remember, if you want to submit a chronicles review simply send it to me via E-mail at sharkbait92@hotmail.com - Remember, the reviews submitted have to be negative and humorous. Get writing, folks!

Visitor Review - Thomas Young

2010-04-20T11:37:00.001-07:00

Many thanks to Thomas Young for his Morgan Chronicles review:

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What can I say about the Morgan Chronicles? Light hearted, witty and intellectually stimulating. These are all words I would use to describe a top quality blog. Unfortunately, the chronicles fails to tick any of these simple boxes. The often sarcastic humour may amuse infantile author Tom Morgan, but often comes across as egotistical and derogatory.

Upon entering the blog, the gentle viewer is immediately confronted with the glaring title ‘Where sarcasm and wit join forces’. This instantly gives a taste of the vulgarity that is to follow. Be warned, this sort of poorly thought out and insulting tone is repeated throughout the page.

The ‘News page’ and recently added ‘Game reviews’ barely disguise their real intent - a blatant and poorly implemented attempt to appeal to the masses. The ‘Poetry corner’ meanwhile contains a poultry two poems, both of equally deplorable quality.

Ultimately, if you’re looking to waste some time, and don’t have any recreational drugs to hand, the chronicles does do a stand up job as an alternative suicide method. If you value your life however, this reviewer recommends you leave well alone.

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Visitor Reviews - Instructions

2010-04-20T11:30:00.001-07:00

If you wish to submit a review for the Morgan Chronicles, it couldn't be simpler! (I say that, but it probably could be simpler)

Simply send your review (there is no minimum or maximum word count) to sharkbait92@hotmail.com with the phrase 'Blog Review' in the title. If it makes me chuckle, it's bound to get uploaded straight onto the front page of the blog. There is only 1 requirement for your blog review:

It has to be a negative review.

Not what you were expecting? Thought not. Well, I figured it would be a 'right laugh' if the reviews I uploaded to the blog were all negative instead of positive. Feel free to be as creative ( and as nasty ) as you like, but don't make it too vulgar! That's my job.

I look forward to reading your nasty reviews!

Need some inspiration? Check out the existing visitor reviews by clicking on the links to the right hand side of the page!

Film Takes £88 On Opening Weekend [NEWS]

2010-04-19T12:50:00.000-07:00

Poor Uma Thurman.

Uma's latest film, 'Motherhood' became a target of national ridicule recently when the film made a measly £88 during its opening weekend. No more than 12 people went to see the film following its release, which is abit of a slap in the face for the film-makers seeing as they forked out $5,000,000 to make the film.

Barry Norman, renowned critic and believer of the 'lets not beat around the bush' rule told the media "The reviews were very poor indeed but that alone isn't enough to explain this. It's a reasonable assumption that there was a marketing and advertising catastrophe and people didn't know it was showing"

I do feel sorry for the film-makers considering how much time and effort went into making and releasing the film. Admittedly, i haven't seen 'Motherhood' and don't plan to. Looks like I'm part of the problem!

Curiosity

2010-04-19T12:42:00.000-07:00

Curiosity - It's an unusual and sometimes pretty amusing part of being a human being. When I logged into Facebook this evening I was greeted by this:

Recently, various groups like this have been popping up. For example, you'll get Facebook groups along the lines of 'Join this and you can see______' that everybody will join on impulse. That picture above makes me question if I've been hanging out with the right group of friends at college recently.

Perhaps I should make some new friends?

Sunshine

2010-04-19T12:37:00.001-07:00

Today it's sunny. As I live in England, it's important I make the most of the sunshine. Everybody else is. I ended up going to a Pet shop yesterday and on the drive there I lost count of the number of people on bikes and wearing shorts. When it's sunny in England the whole population treat the day like it's been announced a comet will be destroying the earth tomorrow. By this I mean everybody feels an overwhelming urge to leave the house and do something exciting.

I went to a pet shop and had a no-staring contest with a African Grey parrot. Hopefully if tomorrow a comet did hit the earth I wouldn't have spent my last full day on earth feeding sunflower seeds to £50 parakeets.

Driving

2010-04-02T09:52:00.003-07:00

I've reached my 10th driving lesson now. Progress has been pretty slow but in definately improving. I'd say my average stall-per-lesson count is about 3, which is pretty respectable. I've actually worked out that when you stall you gain about a foot in distance.

Perhaps instead of learning to drive, I can just stall my way to my destination. It'll definately be a unique drving style. Not sure if this 'style' will get me through my practical driving test, mind.

The Pigeon Shuffle

2010-04-02T09:52:00.001-07:00

One of the issues with waiting for a public bus is the local pigeon population. The wonders of evolution have given these flying rats the ability to shuffle around your feet annoyingly in search of chip packet remains and discarded Smarties tubes.

There are 2 options. You can either stand still, ignore them and let them encircle you like you're some kind of pigeon god, or you can stand still and shuffle your feet ever so slightly to get them to back off.

Option 2 is usually the most problematic. Most of the times I've used this method it just ends with me doing a weird sort of I-need-the-toilet-esque dance. In future I'll stick with option 1. I like the thought of being a god amongst the animal kingdom.

Opportunity

2010-04-02T09:51:00.001-07:00

The Easter Holidays. A time where I can actually update the blog with some substancial content. I've managed to reach 800 views on the blog now, and Google Analytics (don't ask) has revealed that most of these views come from England. Thankyou fellow Brits.

It also shows that there are some American visitors, and well as some from the United Arab Emirates and the Czech Republic!

Could this be the beginning of the world domination of the Morgan Chronicles? No.

Frenzy

2010-03-17T14:39:00.001-07:00

As you can tell, my blogging frenzy seems to have come to a halt recently. This is mainly due to a lovely, ever-growing mountain of homework and coursework. Apparently professional climbers from around the world are attempting to climb my sheet tower for Sport Relief.

Hopefully Ill be clogging up Blogspot with more meaningless manure over the next few days. Expect a trickle of all the content you've learnt to put up with to sneak onto the site.

Career Paths

2010-03-17T14:38:00.001-07:00

This month I turned 18, which means I can legally operate heavy machinery and enter the adult film industry. Perhaps I could even combine these two activities.

Aliens VS Predator Review - [PC/Xbox360/PS3]

2010-02-24T08:22:00.000-08:00

The Alien and Predator films have become famous in the Sci-Fi world ever since their arrival in the 70's and 80's. Countless games and spin-offs have surfaced in the past, but does SEGA'S 2010 entry into the series offer anything new?

Aliens VS Predator gives players the opportunity to play both online and offline, using the 'species' of their choice. Both the Aliens and the Predators make an appearance and are fully controllable. Rebellion studios have done all that they can to give each class a variety of strengths and weaknesses. This is particularly important for online play, in which some games will see all 3 classes battling it out on the same map.

For me, the mutliplayer was where the game truly shone. Admittedly, Predator is noticeably more powerful than the other classes, with a range of 'one hit, one kill' weapons at his disposable. Furthermore, his varying modes of vision (heat vision/alien vision) give him the upper hand in darker areas. It seems that the games host of online players have also noticed this, with the majority playing as Predator when given the opportunity to do so. Some game types will limit players to which species they can pick, and this balancing system keeps the game from becoming too one-sided. It's a shame that there's limited depth to the multiplayer, but incentives such as customisable costumes and skins (as well as experience points) keep players coming back for more.

The single player mode comes in three parts, with each mode following a different species. The Marines mode follows a soldier (nicknamed 'Rookie' by his colleagues) as he attempts to defeat 'Weyland Industries', the company behind the harvesting of the Aliens. The Aliens story begins with a sequence in which an alien (codenamed 'six') wakes up in a testing laboratory run by the very same company the Marines are struggling to eliminate. The player helps the alien to escape the testing chambers, and it is then that the commotion begins. Predators campaign sees the species doing everything they can to prevent the Marines reaching the crucible that spawned the Aliens in the first place.To keep the game accessible, each species has a small tutorial at the start of their own individual campaign.

The Marine's single player campaign can be infuriating for a number of reasons. On their first playthrough, FPS fans will notice that the Marines are unable to zoom any of the weapons on offer. This makes killing aliens (whose erratic movements make them hard to track) particularly difficult. In saying this, I found the very believable and swift movements of the Aliens produced some of the most unnerving moments in the single-player campaign. Clearly, Rebellion Studios have done this to help the balancing between classes, however it's still a thoroughly missed addition to the game. The weapons on offer for the Marines are fairly dire. You get the standard pistol, shotgun, flamethrower and rifle, but it's nothing that we haven't seen before. It would have been nice to see some more futuristic weaponry at the classes disposal.

True fans of the film series will feel nostalgic as they take on the single-player campaign. The sound effects have been taken directly from the films. Everything from the Aliens cries of pain to the Predators switching of vision modes fit nicely in place. It can easily be argued that the game is below the graphical standard we've come to expect from a game on a next-gen platform, however the fact that the game becomes so engaging makes this issue less noticeable.

Unfortunately, I tended to avoid using the Alien species during online play after realising the P.O.V camera was making me motion sick. This has never been a problem for me in the past, but I found changing direction and walking upside-down at high speeds was particularly disorientating. Obviously, not everybody will have these issues, but it still took away from the experience for me. Perfectionists will have their work cut out if they're hoping to collect every trophy/achievement the game has on offer. There are a vast amount of collectibles spread across the 3 campaigns, as well as a number of 'audio logs' to listen to and enjoy.

Aliens VS Predator is a mixed bag. It's poor graphical quality and limited replay value keep it from scoring high, but playing friends online and scoring 'trophy kills' with the Aliens and Predators is undeniably enjoyable.

HTML 'Jenga'

2010-02-21T12:11:00.000-08:00

I had a minor heart attack yesterday when I caused the HTML code of the blog to break. Basically, this happened after I tried to add a feature to the page. To do this, you have to edit the HTML of the blog. For those of you who aren't nerds, HTML is essentially defined as the code that keeps the site functioning properly. Now, thinking the process would be simple, I didn't bother to make a back-up copy of the code before I edited it. That was a mistake. Therefore following the mix-up, I had to make the blog again from scratch, writing a whole new code in the process.

Those of you lucky enough to witness the downfall of The Morgan Chronicles would have seen the massive 'UNDER CONSTRUCTION' sign at the top of the page. It's fixed now though, and the construction signs been removed. Wipe those tears away. We're back.

You know what they say though, 'every cloud has a silver lining'. Messing up the blogs coding meant that I could sort of redesign certain bits of the page (for the better, obviously)

The problem with HTML is it's like a big 'Jenga' tower. If you take the wrong bit out, the whole thing crumbles and everybody laughs at you. You also have to pick up the bricks off the carpet. Obviously, that last bit doesn't apply to me. Still, nice use of imagery.

TV Chef Banned For Revealing Cat Cooking Techniques [NEWS]

2010-02-19T13:38:00.001-08:00

A statement made by Beppe Bigazzi, Italian food guru, has led to an onslaught of complaints from viewers after he revealed 'the best way to cook a cat' - Live on air. According to Beppe, cat meat is 'tastier than other animals' he has eaten in the past. He also added, "I can assure you, it’s a delicacy"

Following Beppe's outburst on an Italian food programme, animal rights campaigners have fired messages of distress and anger at the television station's responsible for the broadcast of the show. The Italian chef has since been suspended from his role as the programmes chef.

Beppe has attempted to justify his lesson in cat-stewing, telling the media "‘I was just trying to explain a saying from where I come from about the eating of cats. In the 1930s and 1940s, they were very popular."

News Reporter Attacked By Pelican [NEWS]

2010-02-18T06:00:00.000-08:00

Steve Jacobs, an Australian news reporter for 'The Today Show', got the fright of his life this week when he was attacked by a large pelican - live on air! The segment was filmed at Taronga Zoo, a tourist hotspot estimated to house over 240 different species of animal. The presenter didn't know how to react to the attack, jumping to and fro between screams of genuine terror and uncontrollable laughter.

Steve's bewildered film crew failed to intervene as the pelicans pecking frenzy continued, much to the amusement of the thousands of viewers at home. Karl Stefanovic, host of 'The Today Show' mocked Steve's mishap, saying "Not the first time he's been pinched in the butt by a bird!"

You can have a look at Steve's pelican attack below.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jBJs9pnTDc

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Man Sees Aliens Above Bowling Green [NEWS]

2010-02-14T04:11:00.000-08:00

Roy Shaw, a retired engineer, is recovering from injuries after he sighted a UFO and twisted his ankle upon fleeing in terror at what he had seen. Roy was taking his dog for a walk when the sighting took place in Exmouth, East Devon. According to the UFO 'spotter', the craft was approximately '100ft long, with flashing lights'. I know what you're all thinking. How stereotypical? You're right.

Roy told the media, "It appeared to land at the top end of the park by the bowling green. My dog started to growl when what I can only describe as a white shape came towards us. It was about 4ft high and seemed to be translucent and moved very slowly towards us. I was transfixed because it made a droning noise, which sounded like 'my, my'"

Thankfully, the comedic value of this story increased when Roy drew some pictures of what he had seen. Below (on the left) is his picture of the 'white shape' that he stated had spoken to him. Below (on the right) is a picture of Casper the friendly ghost. Remarkably, they look very alike.

Bus Driver Review - [PC]

2010-02-13T03:45:00.001-08:00

Driving a bus. Not exactly a life of luxury is it? SCS Software have taken a seemingly bland occupation and made it, well, slightly less bland. Thankfully Bus Driver, released in 2008, doesn't take itself too seriously.

Naturally, the aim of the game is to get your passengers from Point A to Point B. In doing this, you score points along the way. The number of points the player obtains will generally reflect their safety on the roads. If you play the game how it was meant to be played, thus stopping at red lights, using indicators at the correct time and avoiding overbreaking and scaring your passengers, then you'll score well. If, on the other hand, you decide against safety, you'll score very little.

Unfortunately, the temptation to suddenly turn a law-abiding bus driver into a racing driver was always there for me as I played this game. I found the slow paced, simulation-esque aspect of the driving dull, and as a result my interest lapsed. I would be half way through a mission (which on average last 5 minutes) get lazy, and just race to the end. Unusually, the game doesn't actually give a score target, which means as long as you get to the end you'll unlock the next level. To me, this doesn't make sense. Surely if SCS aimed to make a simulation, they'd implement target scores that have to be attained to continue.

Although the game can at times be dull and repetitive, the feeling of completing a level with no casualties and lots of happy faces is admittedly quite pleasing. SCS have made an effort to keep missions varied. You drive in the same big city (which, actually, is fairly vast) however variables such as the segment of the city you drive in, the time of day, weather conditions and the type of bus all vary from mission to mission. It's also wise to mention that there is no 'story mode' to Bus Driver, but to me this makes perfect sense. Trying to build a story around this game would end up becoming disjointed and just ridiculous.

Players will be faced with fairly lifeless missions such as taking children to school and transporting tourists to ski resorts, yet there is also a mission which involves transporting convicts to a prison, under the watchful eye of a police helicopter. Cleverly, if you crash the convicts bus they cheer. I found subtle additions like this a nice touch.

Bus Driver is by no means a bad game. It aims to simulate driving a bus, and that's exactly what it does. For me, there wasn't enough variety in the gameplay to keep me playing it. I recommend downloading the demo via SCS Software's website before making a purchase.

World of Goo Review - [PC/Wii]

2010-02-13T02:45:00.000-08:00

Following the arrival of the 'next generation' in videogaming, big names in the industry are putting increasing amounts of funding into future titles, both exclusive and multi-platform. Having such a hefty development budget undoubtedly has its advantages, yet for the minds at 2D games, creativity and originality have resulted in a gaming experience unlike any other. With goo.

^ This hub acts as the home screen, with each 'Chapter' of the game becoming unlockable depending on the players progress

World of Goo by 'indie' (independent) game developer ‘2D-Boy’ is a breath of fresh air, proving that a game does not need a massive team behind it, nor a briefcase full of money to fuel its success. On the contrary, World of Goo is the product of a team of just 2 young men. Kyle Gabler (previously a game designer for EA, creators of popular PC franchise ‘The Sims’) and Ron Carmel (Also of EA fame) have been described by the media as “an unstoppable force on the front lines of the indie revolution”, and with a horde of Goo-loving fans now behind them, it looks like their latest project is something to look forward to. Clearly, claims that the pair have defined what it is to be truly inspiring 'indie' developers are justified, through both the quality of their work and the reception from the public.

Admittedly, it’s only when you play World of Goo that you can begin to get a sense of the amount of work the talented pair of designers put into the game. World of Goo's simplistic interface, vibrant use and implementation of colour and charming gameplay fuse together to form a well-paced puzzle game that has universal appeal. The fact that the game mechanics are so simple yet so deep at the same time also helps keep the game accessible, yet at the same time keeping players with higher skills levels coming back for more. Any game that fails to offer replay incentive will ultimately result in a lack of interest, yet World of Goo's charming personality ensures this isn't the case. Even humorous, mysterious messages from the elusive 'sign-painter' within each level will keep a grin on your face, offering players both advice on how to approach the level itself and tongue-in-cheek conversation.

As players load the game for the first time, a barrage of vibrancy and seamless, fluid animation seem like a worthy reward for the purchase. The visual aspect of World of Goo is unique, and it's this quality that, for me, keeps me coming back for more. World of Goo seems to do a great job of enticing players in. The visual look manages to combine a 'cartoony' look with a crisp, polished finish. The game comes to life with the inclusion of moving cogs, wind turbines, bobbing water, grumpy creatures (It seems only fair. Can you imagine having no arms or legs?) and a host of other objects and structures that all add to World of Goo's world of imagination and wonder.

The concept is simple. The player starts the level with a certain numbers of 'Goo's', with the goal being to send these 'Goo's' to a drain pipe placed somewhere on the level, which sucks the chattering blobs to safety when they get close enough. To reach these pipes, the player must make a tower with the resources given to them whilst at the same time ensuring the tower does not topple. The challenge concerns where the drain pipe is placed. Earlier levels will see the pipe placed in the sky, with players having to simply build a tower upwards to enable the 'Goo's' their freedom, whereas later levels will put the pipe in more challenging locations. One of the later stages in the game, for example, places the ending pipe over a pit of spikes, meaning players have to use balloons to keep their gooey bridge suspended safely.

World of Goo's exciting and mesmerising gameplay is born through how the players must use their initiative to construct towers that defy gravity, as well as structures that dodge and duck under various obstacles. Build a solid structure, and a container full of smiling, happy and relieved (obviously) faces is your reward.

^ Sending the 'Goos' downwards, whilst evading various obstacles adds a new element of depth and excitement to the game

Harder levels such as the one shown above rely heavily (get it? No? Fine – We'll move on) on gravity, whilst at the same time introducing added dangers such as spikes and wind turbines. In levels such as these, players are introduced to the 'Water droplet' game mechanic, which allows the player to build downwards using water. This variety keeps the game interesting, and the regular introduction of new game mechanics keeps World of Goo feeling fresh.

Perhaps one limitation to the World of Goo experience is the lack of substantial online gameplay. In saying this, the game does support minor online connectivity (in the form of leaderboards revealing who can build the highest 'Goo' tower) however players never directly interact with one another. This addition would have provided a welcome change to World of Goo's offline adventure, as vibrant and as varied as it is. Personally, I found the idea of building an endless tower up into the air (with a nice, hefty amount of 'Goo's' I had accumulated during my playthrough) reminded me of a pencil with no lead – It was pointless.

What 2D-Boy have done is proven to the world that independent game developers can be just as creative as the big names in the industry, if not more so. World of Goo is a hint of what the talented pair are capable of, bringing a world of originality and accessibility to the gaming world. It's a shame that the talented pair have denied rumours of a sequel, but nevertheless, I greatly look forward to seeing what they come up with next.

Gaming Reviews Added - How Nerdy

2010-02-13T02:23:00.000-08:00

I've added a 'Gaming Review' segment to the site, just to add a bit of variety. It also gives me a place to release my nerdy thoughts and feelings without feeling too much like a square. Feel free to ignore the review segment if it's not your thing. If you think you might be interested, there's a button at the top of the page with a link to all the reviews. Be aware that reviews take a while to write and so updates will be further between than the 'World News' segment.

2010-02-13T02:01:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Gaming Reviews game. Computer game reviews from a teenage boy - A truly reliable source. As much as it pains me to put my 'serious hat' on for a few moments, please be aware that the views expressed in these reviews are mine and mine alone.

World of Goo - 9/10 - Read the full review

Bus Driver - 6/10 - Read the full review

Aliens VS Predator - 7/10 - Read the full review

iPhone / iPod Touch reviews [[ Coming soon ]]

Playstation 1 / PSX reviews [[ Coming soon ]]

Snake Craves Nicotine [NEWS]

2010-02-04T13:30:00.001-08:00

The snake. Legless lizards that aren't particularly known for their cigarette cravings. Well, that's about to change.

A snake owner from Taiwan named 'Sho Lau' has revealed that his three-year-old pet snake 'Po' has developed an addiction for nicotine! The reason behind the snakes unusual habit originated from the fact that Po's owner smokes, on average, 20 cigarettes a day. It therefore makes sense that Mr Lau's snake developed a newly found love for the smell.

Mr Lau stated, "He is very tame. 1 day I threw a cigarette butt away and he went for it. He seemed to enjoy having it in his mouth"

Screen Watchers

2010-02-04T13:29:00.001-08:00

An issue with writing about news stories on this blog is the research process. The people working at the I.T centre at college have a habit of taking control of peoples computers via remote control to make sure what they're doing is 'work-related'.

It would be difficult trying to justify reading an article on a snake from Taiwan that has taken up smoking, or a cat from American that can predict when somebody near them is about to die. Luckily I'm a ninja, so I haven't been caught in the act yet.

Yet.

Blog-day

2010-02-04T13:28:00.001-08:00

I think I'll rename Wednesday to Blog-day. It seems that today is always the time where I post the most content to Blogspot. It's partly because I only have 2 lessons on a Wednesday but because of my terrible lesson timetable I have to stay the whole day. Usually, this would give me time to do homework / revise but I can't today because I have to reason to do either.

What worsens my Wednesday is the I.T technicians bullet-proof 'website blocker', which makes the task of visiting websites from the college computers that are genuinely interesting difficult.

Kitty Respect

2010-02-01T11:36:00.000-08:00

I was watching Band of Brothers with my cat yesterday and noticed he had a bony chest. At first I just dismissed it, because he's a skinny runt and most skinny runts of the cat universe have a bony chest. However, I had another feel (keep it clean) and realised that the lump I was touching definitely shouldn't be there.

Turns out my cat's been walking around the house for the last couple of days with a fractured rib. Hello, hefty Vet bill.

Maximum respect to him for not acting any differently despite having a cracked chest. He must have the most insane pain barrier the world has ever seen. That's like me breaking a leg and just comparing it to growing pains.

Drip Drop

2010-01-31T14:23:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, 'Apple' announced a new multi-touch, laptop-esque product called the 'iPad'. Funny, After hearing the name I just assumed this 'iPad' helped control bladder weakness. Turns out it's not designed to do that. Shame.

Dog Swallows Golf Balls [NEWS]

2010-01-31T13:29:00.000-08:00

The Dog, supposedly 'mans best friend', has now become mans best golf caddy. News originating from the rather worried owner of 'Oscar' the dog, Mr Chris Morrison has revealed that his family pet took it upon itself to eat 13 whole golf balls, all over the period of 'several months at least'.

The owner of the hungry pooch only became aware of Oscars eating accomplishment after stroking the animal and hearing an 'odd rattling sound'. The behaviour of the dog, who recently celebrated his 5th birthday (without a stomach of golf balls) shocked Vet Bob Hesketh, who stated "It was like a magic trick. I opened him up and felt what I thought was two or three golf balls. But they just kept coming until we had a bag full!"

Since his golfing antics, Oscar has made a full recovery.

Blobfish On Its Way Out? [NEWS]

2010-01-31T13:01:00.001-08:00

Sorry it took so long to bring the News segments back. Now that my exam revision's over (and unfortunately for you) the news will come thick and fast.

For those of you with a good memory, you'll remember I've talked about the 'Blobfish' in previous blog posts. If you have read these insights into my brain, you'll know I've grown to love the Blobfish. I'm not sure what I find attractive about a jelly-like spherical fish that dribbles 24/7, but there's definately something special there.

Recently, the slimy creature has hit newspapers. Not because it had an affair with a politican, or because it won Big Brother 2010 just for coming across as a 'nice', 'genuine' guy. No, it turns out the blobfish is in danger of becoming extinct!

Scientists have revealed that various fishing-techniques have caught the blobs unaware, causing them to become trapped in nets that are actually aiming at catching other fish, not the Blobfish. The Blobfish lives at depths of around 800m, which is pretty deep, especially for a blob (that's a fish).

If this problem worsens, we could be looking at a world without the Blobfish. I, for one, am not going to stand by and watch this happen. As a result, I plan to 'have a stern talking' with every Australian fisherman by the end of the month. Maybe.

'L' Plates

2010-01-27T14:01:00.001-08:00

When are children with 'L' plates going to realise that you can't break the sound barrier in a Vauxhall Corsa?

[Destinct lack of] News

2010-01-27T13:58:00.001-08:00

Expect more news stories sometime next week. I haven't had time to explore the interwebs for pathetic news stories recently thanks to revision. I kind of miss researching news stories, too. If my upcoming test was on the current world record holder for speed-eating snake eggs I'd easily get 90%+, if not 100%.

Concentration Camp

2010-01-27T13:57:00.001-08:00

Excessive authority is annoying. Why do I say this? Earlier today, myself and a group of 3 friends were using computers in an area designated for revision. Because of this, we were revising. Makes sense, right? We didn't know, however, that the 'revision centre' was run by a tyrant who most likely would have whipped us repeatedly if the modern-day law system allowed it.

All it took was some quiet discussion amongst ourselves about the exam we had taken the previous day to summon her over. She bent over, leaning in with her teeth gritted and her fists clenched, before saying "Shut. [10 second pause] Up."

The whole experience made me feel like I was in combat with a 'Dementor' from the Harry Potter series.

Version 2.0

2010-01-22T12:55:00.001-08:00

I've changed the blogs look slightly. I think the sophisticated color scheme and layout contrasts well with the poorly strung-together content.

Revision

2010-01-22T12:54:00.001-08:00

It's an evil thing. I've found that I revise better when I'm at college in an actual working environment than when I'm at home with a Facebook icon on my desktop staring me in the face.

This afternoon I was revising at college. As everybody has their exams at roughly the same time, the study areas (e.g. The library, ICT centres) are crammed at the moment. I, of course, was blissfully unaware that it would be this bad, and so upon entering the ICT centre I was forced to sit at the last remaining computer. Why had it been left? To cut a long story short, the keyboard had been designed for people with visual impairments. The keys were a luminous yellow color, the keyboard was massive and (I'm not sure how this fits In with the other 2 details I've mentioned) it even had a copy of Microsoft Word that felt like it was from 1960.

The temptation of placing my face an inch from the screen and squinting was there, but I didn't take that option.

Excuses

2010-01-22T12:53:00.001-08:00

It feels like ages since I've posted to the blog, but it's only been around a week / fortnight. I'd say my reason for this is fairly justified, mind. As a student, I'm expected to sit exams. Shame. There's a bunch coming up this month, so all my spare time has been spent revising.

Expect a slow trickle of useless facts, information and discussion of personal idiocy to be posted to the blog over the next few days, as my exams come and go. Imagine a wart that you think you've finally gotten get rid of, only to find another one has sprouted somewhere else. My increasing blog-posting-frequency will bring out that same sense of anger and frustration.

You're welcome.

Snow, snow, snow!

2010-01-06T09:49:00.000-08:00

I've been a cheeky resident of the United Kingdom for 17 years and I've never seen snowfall as heavy as this. According to the news channels, it's the heaviest snowfall the country has had for about 30 years. Our area's covered in a layer around 23cm deep. Not very impressive by Americas standards, but by ours it is.

Today was spent crawling around in the snow like a child - naturally. As any sensible student would do, the first action of the day was checking the college website to see if the snowfall meant a school closure. Yep - Turns out that snow isn't all that bad. Getting anywhere a great distance away has been made impossible, so we've got 2 days off of school, which is nice.

I don't know what to think about the snow. On the plus side, it has the power to shape my educational timetable. On the downside, me and my family were meant to be driving 2 hours up North to go and collect our new puppy, but as the roads are out of action this is looking unlikely.

Oh snow, how you tease me. Should I love you? Loath you? Crawl around in you?

The 'Wingdings' Phenomenon

2010-01-02T13:50:00.000-08:00

A slight disadvantage to having time away from college is that I personally never end up using a pen (much) during these few days and as a result, my handwriting reverts back to the way it was shortly after leaving the womb; illegible. A normal, everyday sentence enters my brain and leaves my left hand looking like its the outcome of a Microsoft "Wingdings" explosion.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T07:30:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's 2010 now. 2009 is sooo last year, darling. Managed to find a party to head to roughly 2 days before the night itself, so I cut it rather fine in organising myself and what I would be doing. Luckily the party I ended up at was very good. Nice and eventful, too. Pizza was cooked, Guitar Hero 5 was played, a drumstick was snapped in half (whilst playing Guitar Hero), drinks were drunk, food was flung, chinese lanterns were lit. Nothing like a bit of variety. Do I have a New Years resolution? No. Suggestions welcome.

One of my personal highlights of the evening was when about 17 of us stood in the middle of a T-Junction in the road ready for the 10 second countdown to 2010. We did this because the house on the corner had a massive fireworks stand set up, and practically the whole neighbourhood were congregating around this ~~rich~~ mans house. Being the timid bunch we are, we didn't know how to react when a large man walked over to us and said he was giving out free alcohol and we could 'help ourselves'. Naturally, nobody took him up on his seemingly 'too good to be true' offer, but it was a nice gesture.

The man also invited us into his garden for a better view of the fireworks. We did take him up on this offer. I'm not sure the families already stood on the grass watching the show were too delighted to see us though, or rather - hear us.

Predictive Text

2009-12-26T15:28:00.001-08:00

Stop butting in and telling me what to write. My blog, not yours. Piss off. It's fair to see my growing hatred is justified as if I hadn't have corrected the sentence before this one, it would have read:

Piss OCD.

Christmas Bitch!

2009-12-26T15:27:00.001-08:00

It's been a jolly old Christmas 2009, and it turns out we'll be the (stressed?) owners of a 6 week old Springer Spaniel puppy in the coming days. That's her in the picture below. What fascinates me is the prospect of discovering how our 2 cats will react after finding out this news. My theory is they'll pack up all their belongings (food, bed, left over mice corpse) and march out.

Windscreen Wiper Slap

2009-12-26T15:26:00.001-08:00

On Monday 21st the heaviest snowfall I have ever experienced managed to arrive just as I was being driven home from work by a colleague. Like many people, heavy snow causes me to revert back to a bewildered 4 year old child. The thing I like about the snow is the fact that it seems to petrify everyone; particularly drivers. It took us an hour to get home when on a normal day it would only take around 20 minutes. On the way home it was pretty nervy on the roads from a drivers perspective because the stopping distance of cars on the road was about 3x what it normally was.

Eventually we got to a massive hill that curved to the right and as we approached the hill we saw cars sprawled all over both sides of the road with the odd one or two struggling up the hill, causing them to burn out their clutches. I never knew this before but it turns out that burnt clutch smells of Monster Munch.

My colleague and I had to get out of the car, stumble up the hill on foot and push the cars of other commuters up the hill. We had to do this otherwise we wouldn't have been able to get home ourselves. Don't go thinking our good deeds were selfless - they weren't. Obviously we had some help from other members of the public, but I still felt like a hero. That is - until I watched as a man helping us push a car got slapped around the face as the windscreen wipers suddenly turned on. I did my best to conceal a laugh and distinctly remember saying "I'll blog that" after seeing it happen. Am I going straight to hell?

Virus!

2009-12-20T15:59:00.001-08:00

Turns out some virusy shite has 'infected' my computer and as a result every single time I turn it on I become the victim of an onslaught of messages along the lines of "wow you're screwed now, big boy!" and "Merry Christmas from Microsoft bitch!" Obviously the messages don't say that exactly, I've just translated them from computer-speak to English.

If I can't solve the problem myself then I'll have to see if the computer wizards at PC World can fix it for me. I've lost count of the amount of times I've taken my computer to that place. This time when I walk in I'll just slap the computer on the front desk and ask for "the usual".

Sex in Class

2009-12-16T09:44:00.003-08:00

Bet that title got your attention, huh? I wonder how many old men have arrived here straight from Google following a raunchy search entry only to be bitterly disappointed by the fact that instead of landing on a potentially law-breaking website on genitals they've come across the online diary of a teenage boy. That was a long sentence. I apologise.

Anyway, "Where are you going with this?" I hear you ask. Today in my English class we watched a 'modern-day adaptation' of 'The Millers Tale'. Unfortunately, the atmosphere changed when we found out (the hard way) that basically every other scene in this 'adaptation' was a sex scene, causing continuous streams of awkwardness and embarrassment to flutter through the classroom.

Personal stand out moments include a nice line delivered from the main character which went, "I want to shag you senseless".

Turns out 'modern adaptation' basically means 'pornographic adaptation'.

Taa-Dar!

2009-12-16T09:44:00.001-08:00

About 6 minutes after moaning about the fact that there's no snow in my last blog post, massive clumps of the stuff fall out the sky. Hooray!

Unfortunately, I'm not dressed for the occasion. My coat somehow manages to make me look like a white sponge as the material it's made from causes the snow to stick to it.