Drip Drop

Yesterday, 'Apple' announced a new multi-touch, laptop-esque product called the 'iPad'. Funny, After hearing the name I just assumed this 'iPad' helped control bladder weakness. Turns out it's not designed to do that. Shame.

Dog Swallows Golf Balls [NEWS]

The Dog, supposedly 'mans best friend', has now become mans best golf caddy. News originating from the rather worried owner of 'Oscar' the dog, Mr Chris Morrison has revealed that his family pet took it upon itself to eat 13 whole golf balls, all over the period of 'several months at least'.



The owner of the hungry pooch only became aware of Oscars eating accomplishment after stroking the animal and hearing an 'odd rattling sound'. The behaviour of the dog, who recently celebrated his 5th birthday (without a stomach of golf balls) shocked Vet Bob Hesketh, who stated "It was like a magic trick. I opened him up and felt what I thought was two or three golf balls. But they just kept coming until we had a bag full!"

Since his golfing antics, Oscar has made a full recovery.

Blobfish On Its Way Out? [NEWS]

Sorry it took so long to bring the News segments back. Now that my exam revision's over (and unfortunately for you) the news will come thick and fast.

For those of you with a good memory, you'll remember I've talked about the 'Blobfish' in previous blog posts. If you have read these insights into my brain, you'll know I've grown to love the Blobfish. I'm not sure what I find attractive about a jelly-like spherical fish that dribbles 24/7, but there's definately something special there.

Recently, the slimy creature has hit newspapers. Not because it had an affair with a politican, or because it won Big Brother 2010 just for coming across as a 'nice', 'genuine' guy. No, it turns out the blobfish is in danger of becoming extinct!



Scientists have revealed that various fishing-techniques have caught the blobs unaware, causing them to become trapped in nets that are actually aiming at catching other fish, not the Blobfish. The Blobfish lives at depths of around 800m, which is pretty deep, especially for a blob (that's a fish).

If this problem worsens, we could be looking at a world without the Blobfish. I, for one, am not going to stand by and watch this happen. As a result, I plan to 'have a stern talking' with every Australian fisherman by the end of the month. Maybe.

'L' Plates

When are children with 'L' plates going to realise that you can't break the sound barrier in a Vauxhall Corsa?

[Destinct lack of] News

Expect more news stories sometime next week. I haven't had time to explore the interwebs for pathetic news stories recently thanks to revision. I kind of miss researching news stories, too. If my upcoming test was on the current world record holder for speed-eating snake eggs I'd easily get 90%+, if not 100%.

Concentration Camp

Excessive authority is annoying. Why do I say this? Earlier today, myself and a group of 3 friends were using computers in an area designated for revision. Because of this, we were revising. Makes sense, right? We didn't know, however, that the 'revision centre' was run by a tyrant who most likely would have whipped us repeatedly if the modern-day law system allowed it.



All it took was some quiet discussion amongst ourselves about the exam we had taken the previous day to summon her over. She bent over, leaning in with her teeth gritted and her fists clenched, before saying "Shut. [10 second pause] Up."

The whole experience made me feel like I was in combat with a 'Dementor' from the Harry Potter series.

Version 2.0

I've changed the blogs look slightly. I think the sophisticated color scheme and layout contrasts well with the poorly strung-together content.

Revision

It's an evil thing. I've found that I revise better when I'm at college in an actual working environment than when I'm at home with a Facebook icon on my desktop staring me in the face.

This afternoon I was revising at college. As everybody has their exams at roughly the same time, the study areas (e.g. The library, ICT centres) are crammed at the moment. I, of course, was blissfully unaware that it would be this bad, and so upon entering the ICT centre I was forced to sit at the last remaining computer. Why had it been left? To cut a long story short, the keyboard had been designed for people with visual impairments. The keys were a luminous yellow color, the keyboard was massive and (I'm not sure how this fits In with the other 2 details I've mentioned) it even had a copy of Microsoft Word that felt like it was from 1960.

The temptation of placing my face an inch from the screen and squinting was there, but I didn't take that option.

Excuses

It feels like ages since I've posted to the blog, but it's only been around a week / fortnight. I'd say my reason for this is fairly justified, mind. As a student, I'm expected to sit exams. Shame. There's a bunch coming up this month, so all my spare time has been spent revising.

Expect a slow trickle of useless facts, information and discussion of personal idiocy to be posted to the blog over the next few days, as my exams come and go. Imagine a wart that you think you've finally gotten get rid of, only to find another one has sprouted somewhere else. My increasing blog-posting-frequency will bring out that same sense of anger and frustration.

You're welcome.

Snow, snow, snow!

I've been a cheeky resident of the United Kingdom for 17 years and I've never seen snowfall as heavy as this. According to the news channels, it's the heaviest snowfall the country has had for about 30 years. Our area's covered in a layer around 23cm deep. Not very impressive by Americas standards, but by ours it is.

Today was spent crawling around in the snow like a child - naturally. As any sensible student would do, the first action of the day was checking the college website to see if the snowfall meant a school closure. Yep - Turns out that snow isn't all that bad. Getting anywhere a great distance away has been made impossible, so we've got 2 days off of school, which is nice.

I don't know what to think about the snow. On the plus side, it has the power to shape my educational timetable. On the downside, me and my family were meant to be driving 2 hours up North to go and collect our new puppy, but as the roads are out of action this is looking unlikely.

Oh snow, how you tease me. Should I love you? Loath you? Crawl around in you?

The 'Wingdings' Phenomenon

A slight disadvantage to having time away from college is that I personally never end up using a pen (much) during these few days and as a result, my handwriting reverts back to the way it was shortly after leaving the womb; illegible. A normal, everyday sentence enters my brain and leaves my left hand looking like its the outcome of a Microsoft "Wingdings" explosion.

Happy New Year!

Yes, it's 2010 now. 2009 is sooo last year, darling. Managed to find a party to head to roughly 2 days before the night itself, so I cut it rather fine in organising myself and what I would be doing. Luckily the party I ended up at was very good. Nice and eventful, too. Pizza was cooked, Guitar Hero 5 was played, a drumstick was snapped in half (whilst playing Guitar Hero), drinks were drunk, food was flung, chinese lanterns were lit. Nothing like a bit of variety. Do I have a New Years resolution? No. Suggestions welcome.


One of my personal highlights of the evening was when about 17 of us stood in the middle of a T-Junction in the road ready for the 10 second countdown to 2010. We did this because the house on the corner had a massive fireworks stand set up, and practically the whole neighbourhood were congregating around this rich mans house. Being the timid bunch we are, we didn't know how to react when a large man walked over to us and said he was giving out free alcohol and we could 'help ourselves'. Naturally, nobody took him up on his seemingly 'too good to be true' offer, but it was a nice gesture.

The man also invited us into his garden for a better view of the fireworks. We did take him up on this offer. I'm not sure the families already stood on the grass watching the show were too delighted to see us though, or rather - hear us.