'Fly on The Wall'

Why do people say they'd like to be 'a fly on the wall'? Right; so you'd like to be a flying insect smeared in the body fluids of other animals? Bit odd.

Surprises

I love surprises. What I DO NOT like is finding blood on one of the sheets belonging to the hotel we're staying in. I didn't put that blood there, that's for sure. Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk!

Bournemouth - Day 1

Travelled down to Bournemouth today for a weekend break with family and family friends. Today has so far involved a long drive here, a walk down to the coast and a walk back to the hotel.

The weird thing about Bournemouth is the people that come here. Ive seen all types of people here. Upon arriving at the hotel [and this is a true story] and getting to our room our route to the end of the hallway where we wanted to get to was obscured by a naked man with a towel around his torso who decided it would be a good idea to ask my mum how he Should go around ironing his trousers. Our hotel is inhabitable, but it's not very good looking. The fact that naked men patrol the hallway doesn't help either. It's like a pornographic take on 'The Shining'.

Power Cuts

Ah, power cuts. A time where the whole family comes together in the lounge and digs out that board game that you've been given by relatives which only ever makes an appearance when the power's out. As I write this, I'm enjoying a nice old power cut myself. Apparently, there have been 'difficulties' (according to Southern Electric) and the power is going to be off for another 2 hours, which leaves me wondering what to do.

Anyhoozle, I'm sure when they say 'difficulties' they mean the newest member of the team managed to jam his spade into a wire or something. I'm glad this power cut's happened in the afternoon as there's at least some natural light coming into the room. The worst type of power cut is a late night one, where you end up lighting the candles and the house ends up looking like a Gothic sex dungeon.

Moths

I'd like to add Moths to my list of creatures that irritate me. I've recently discovered through constant attacks to my head that they've taken on the role of kamikaze pilots of the insect world. All these things need is a light source and they got mental.

I've lost count of the number of times that I've been watching TV in bed at night and I hear a flutter followed by a slam. Yes - It's Mr. moth, painting the town red. [With blood from his own head after it has been slammed against my bedroom wall]

[Picture courtesy of www.featurepics.com]

Holiday

I'm going on holiday during the summer holidays to Dubai. I think what I'll do in terms of blogging is write a blog every evening summarising the day in my usual form of sarcastic humour. Apparently sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. I'm an idiot then. It'll be good to go somewhere hot for a change, although it will most likely end up being an endurance test because of the heat instead of an actual holiday. So yes - In summary, expect daily blogs from Dubai. Lovely.

Rain

Got caught in an apocalyptic storm today. The unpredictability of the British weather annoys me. I was dressed for the summer holidays, which is what we're in. Therefore it makes sense to dress up for the summer, right? Wrong. I ended up walking home looking like I'd jumped into a river.

Apparently when it's about to rain the cows sit down. I live next to a field full of cows, and none of them were sat down when I left. Looks like my field is home to a pack of lying Cows. I'm glad they have to carry around heavy udders now. Serves them right.

Milestone

50th Blogspot post - How truly touching. Somehow managed to notch up 300 blog views now, which is nice too. I think I'll celebrate by making a speech like when Halle Berry made hers on her film award and burst into tears, and she ended up speaking in an unknown language. Unfortunately, Halle Berry had a genuine accomplishment to celebrate. This is where we differ.

Recently discovered there's a wasps nest in out loft, which is annoying. As I've said before on this blog, I don't like wasps. A smile snuck across my chops when I opened the loft hatch afew days ago and was rained upon by motionless wasps who thought that they'd get away with having a ride on our dodgy upstairs light fixtures.

Zombies

I've watched so many poorly put together zombie-related survival-guide style films in my 17 year existence on this earth that I genuinely think I would stand a good chance of surviving a real life attack. Whoever said watching films was a waste of time?

[Picture courtesy of www.sfgate.com]

The Blobfish

Found a sea creature that could potentially be the ugliest thing god ever made out of clay. It's called a Blobfish. Now when you hear that name, you think of a blob with eyes. That's good, because that's exactly what a blobfish is. Don't believe me? Check out the link below.

[http://mysloth.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/blobfish1.jpg]

I'd hate to be a Blobfish. You'd never get any mates because they'd all be too embarrassed to leave the house (Oops not house, I mean ocean cave?) with such an ugly friend. I wonder if the Blobfish knows what it looks like? Maybe that's why there's so few of them. They've all seen what they look like and killed themselves by jumping into a sharks mouth. I think I have the mind of a 5 year old child. Damn.

Cloud Confusion

It's been one of those weeks where the weather doesn't know what it's doing. Hence 50% of the college walk around in 4 layers and a coat and the other 50% (Good at maths, aren't I?) are sporting the timeless shorts and T-Shirt combo. The weather annoys me sometimes.

I'm attempting to type this now in the rain and have to keep wiping the screen to see what I'm writing. I look like I've got a nervous twitch. I like the way that as I post more blog entries, they become less and less meaningful and make no sense; Kind of like the ramblings of a mad-man who scribbles messages onto his bedroom wall with a fingernail just before he goes out and attacks someone.

'Morning People'

I'm not a fan of 'morning people' for the simple reason that I'm not one myself. For those who don't know what a morning person is, they're basically people that manage to wake up and move around in the early hours of the morning without looking like monsters. Lucky, lucky people. I, unfortunately don't share their gift.

[Image courtesy of www.istockphoto.com ]

In-Ear Headphones

I've decided that this particular type of headphone is stupid. I have to put those buds so far into my ear-hole I can hear my own heartbeat. Usually I like to listen to sweet melodies and catchy tunes when using headphones. Now I listen to the sound of my organs.

Trips to Mexico

Was told today that a group of people at college have caught Swine Flu. When I say 'group' I mean a random selection of victims. By 'group', I don't mean there was a crew of students that travelled to Mexico and contracted it on purpose. Although if that is how they got it - I admire their bravery.

In other (perhaps more important) news, my blog has managed to reach over 230 views. It may not seem like much but it's enough to feed my egos appetite for afew days. It's a nice old figure though, 230. I wonder how many of these 230 people navigated to the blog on purpose?

*Awkward silence*

Flies

There are alot of flies buzzing around at the moment, and it's irritating me. The thing that bothers me about flies is just how stupid they are. The usual process of trying to get rid of a fly is as follows:

* Fly buzzes through open window.
* I raise my eyes because I know even if it does get out, it'll be about 30 minutes before it manages to go out the way it came in.
* Fly gets agitated and slams repeatedly into window in an attempt to escape
* Fly gives up and collapses onto the window sill.
* I open the window to let it out
* In opening the window, the original fly escapes and in it's place another buzzes in

It's a vicious cycle, and it's starting to annoy me. Just another downside to summer. Lets add this to the ongoing list which also includes hayfever and stuffy evenings. At the end of the day, Flies feed on shite so it makes sense that their navigational skills are shite too.

WTF-Blob Monster

Heard a story today that's pretty interesting. Turns out a sewage company in North Carolina found an 'unknown lifeform' using a remote controlled camera. Check out the picture below for a link to the video. I'd also like to point out that the slime monster below is nothing like the one found in the North Carolina.

Watch the video @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcKpx2DxGwY

Anyhoozle, If i had to caption a picture of the real-life slime monster I'd just stick a nice big "WHAT THE HELL!?" underneath it. Nobody knows what it is. Good job looks aren't everything. A pulsating brain stuck to a sewer wall doesn't have alot going for it. I know sewers aren't too nice though, so I guess it's a good place for that thing to chill out. I wouldn't want it strolling down the street with a newspaper.

Apparently, the blob is sensitive to light and heat. In my opinion the blob got a good deal there. If I was a sewer monster, I'd rather be sensitive to light and heat instead of sensitive to smell. Jesus.

[Picture courtesy of www.rottentoons.com]

Heat and Conspiracies

Honestly, I like a nice warm summer, but this is mental. Even the Bees can't stand it. I've seen 3 today scrambling around on the floor in circles in a desperate attempt to keep cool. I'd try the same but it's not socially acceptable for human beings.

The Michael Jackson conspiracies have begun already. "He's alive I know it!" etc. I reckon these theories are made up by the same people that think the world is going to end in 2012 and that Elvis is still alive. How ironic it would be if Elvis was alive and he was the one that caused the 'Apocalypse' and destroyed the world.

Migraine

Had a migraine yesterday. For you lucky nippers that don't get 'em - They're horrible. Basically what happens is too much blood reaches your brain, so the brain essentially throws a hissy fit, then sulks, and finally your eyesight becomes blurry.

Watched a wasp fight a bee yesterday. Didn't want to intervene as I thought I'd let nature take it's course. I would have preferred the bee to win, as wasps aren't too nice. Unfortunately the bee lost. I think it was something to do with him missing 2 legs. That'll teach me for backing the underdog. (Or the underbee, if there's such a thing?)