The stress of trying to find a replacement University at the last minute would have made me go insane.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Lighter
I feel like a weights been lifted off my shoulders today. Just got a message from my University saying they're delighted to accept me onto the Journalism course. SO relieved.
The stress of trying to find a replacement University at the last minute would have made me go insane.
The stress of trying to find a replacement University at the last minute would have made me go insane.
Results Day
Phew. I got my results in the early hours of this morning and they went pretty good! Thankfully I've done enough to secure a place on the course I wanted to join at University.
I ended up having to go to an Internet Cafe which was pretty scary. Sat at 'Terminal 4' and tried logging on, but obviously everything was in Spanish. I guessed at what to click and ended up on the Internet. The original plan was to check my college website using my mobile phone but for some reason it wasn't accepting my login details. That was the last thing I needed.
I had a bad feeling about the whole morning too. The worst storm I've ever seen hit the area where we were staying just because I headed out to the Internet cafe. Not exactly a good omen, is it?
Still - I'm relieved, pleased, and exhausted. Yay?
I ended up having to go to an Internet Cafe which was pretty scary. Sat at 'Terminal 4' and tried logging on, but obviously everything was in Spanish. I guessed at what to click and ended up on the Internet. The original plan was to check my college website using my mobile phone but for some reason it wasn't accepting my login details. That was the last thing I needed.
I had a bad feeling about the whole morning too. The worst storm I've ever seen hit the area where we were staying just because I headed out to the Internet cafe. Not exactly a good omen, is it?
Still - I'm relieved, pleased, and exhausted. Yay?
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Results Eve
Results tomorrow. Not feeling so confident anymore. Looks like It'll be a miserable end to the holiday if I'm not too chuffed!
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Over the Hills
Travelling over to the other side of the mountain our villa overlooks tomorrow for a little exploration session and a bite to eat.
We've been there before and it's an odd place. On one side you've got the nicely kept, posh restaurants and coastline and abit further inland is a more enclosed centre walkway that I've always felt nervy walking down. The fact it's poorly lit, combined with the fact I've watched enough horror films to give me an idea of where nutcases lurk ensures I won't be going down there again out of choice.
I'm probably being over-the-top as usual. It's probably not as dangerous as I think.
We've been there before and it's an odd place. On one side you've got the nicely kept, posh restaurants and coastline and abit further inland is a more enclosed centre walkway that I've always felt nervy walking down. The fact it's poorly lit, combined with the fact I've watched enough horror films to give me an idea of where nutcases lurk ensures I won't be going down there again out of choice.
I'm probably being over-the-top as usual. It's probably not as dangerous as I think.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Gulp
Get my A-Level results the day after tomorrow. Oh. My. God.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Nurofen
I've taken about 8 Nurofen today to combat the ear infection. The little white capsules of hope seem to be doing the trick, although I'm feeling abut drowsy. Now I mention it, I suppose I feel like I'm trying to hibernate in a tree and some lumberjacks starting up his chainsaw and woken me up.
Does that make any sense? Probably not.
Does that make any sense? Probably not.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Sideways
Eardrops arrived. I can't hear a thing now. Bloody swimming pool. Looks like I'll be spending the last few days in Spain with my head against a table tilted to one side so the eardrop fluid flows deep into the head.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Throb
Sat here this evening and my ears are throbbing. Does that sound like a song lyric to you?
Looks like a yummy infection's on the horizon for me. I'm particularly susceptible to ear infections which is bloody annoying. It's too late to head down to the Pharmacy this evening so that'll have to wait.
If I do risk going in the pool again I'll have to wear earplugs. I hate earplugs. The fact that when I wear them I can hear my heartbeat makes me feel weird.
Looks like a yummy infection's on the horizon for me. I'm particularly susceptible to ear infections which is bloody annoying. It's too late to head down to the Pharmacy this evening so that'll have to wait.
If I do risk going in the pool again I'll have to wear earplugs. I hate earplugs. The fact that when I wear them I can hear my heartbeat makes me feel weird.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Pizza and Nipples
Went to Denia today (check spelling) and had some Pizza from a nice Italian restaurant. Been trying to get ahold of Wi-Fi since arriving in the country to check emails. Still no luck with that.
Going to Denia was a welcome change from staying more local. It's a small town the other side of the mountain that we can see from our roof. On a side note, we now refer to the mountain as 'Nipplus' because it resembles; well, a nipple.
Going to Denia was a welcome change from staying more local. It's a small town the other side of the mountain that we can see from our roof. On a side note, we now refer to the mountain as 'Nipplus' because it resembles; well, a nipple.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Waterpark
The waterpark was fun. We got to see a British man fall off of his rubber ring and walk the rest of the waterslide. Naturally, this annoyed the lifeguards and gave then a reason to blow their whistles repeatedly, despite the man going, "Ye, ye, I can 'ear you mate".
On the way into the waterpark there was a person in a dolphin suit stood next to a woman with a camera around her neck. The idea was that she was meant to photograph families and such as they entered the park. We really didn't want a picture and so politely told the woman. That was a mistake. Her eyes widened at the prospect of a family declining a picture with a sweaty Spaniard in a blue dolphin suit, and she hissed back at us, "I'm only doing my job!" before muttering something else under her breath.
I wanted to punch her in the head.
On the way into the waterpark there was a person in a dolphin suit stood next to a woman with a camera around her neck. The idea was that she was meant to photograph families and such as they entered the park. We really didn't want a picture and so politely told the woman. That was a mistake. Her eyes widened at the prospect of a family declining a picture with a sweaty Spaniard in a blue dolphin suit, and she hissed back at us, "I'm only doing my job!" before muttering something else under her breath.
I wanted to punch her in the head.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Nervy
Petrified of receiving my A-Level results on the 19th August. The thought of not doing myself justice after hours and hours of revision makes me feel ill. What's the point of putting in all this work if you've got nothing to show for it? I'm quite hard on myself at the best of times so not getting the results I want would really hit me quite hard. I get the results the day before we leave Spain. It'd be a shame to leave the country all deflated like most of our lilos. We'll see.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Waterpark Eve
Going to the Waterpark tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to. The weather people are predicting rain tomorrow (Rain in Spain!?) so hopefully people will be put off going and it'll be fairly quiet. I look forward to sliding down a flume trying to dodge thunderbolts. Sounds perfectly safe.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Karts and Sandals
Went Go Karting today, which was fun. As we were waiting for our turn to get onto the course we decided to watch the people already racing. As the chequered flag was shown, the karts had to slowly approach the pits by navigating through 2 large white barriers. As one of the guys made his way to the pits I remember turning to my friend and saying, "He's going abit too fast, isn't he?". Sure enough, the pasty white Brit slammed into the barriers in beautiful, comical fashion.
He looked pretty shaken up. Turns out he got his sandal caught under the brake pedal. Sounds like a scene from the film 'Final Destination' to me.
Anyway, then we got to go on. I span out once from approaching a corner too quickly but my second stop was intentional. I was coming down the straight and the floor of the kart lowered slightly which meant the metal floor was scraping along the ground, causing sparks to fly up. I stopped the kart, kicked the floor upwards and carried on. It was either that or finish in 1st place but with 80% burns. Maybe the Go Karts there were cursed.
He looked pretty shaken up. Turns out he got his sandal caught under the brake pedal. Sounds like a scene from the film 'Final Destination' to me.
Anyway, then we got to go on. I span out once from approaching a corner too quickly but my second stop was intentional. I was coming down the straight and the floor of the kart lowered slightly which meant the metal floor was scraping along the ground, causing sparks to fly up. I stopped the kart, kicked the floor upwards and carried on. It was either that or finish in 1st place but with 80% burns. Maybe the Go Karts there were cursed.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Poolside
Hung around the pool again today. It's nice to have afew lazy days. Now we're well and truly settled in we'll head out more in the evenings. Went out this evening and we saw a 5ft man in a black vest that said 'I Love Ibiza' on it, along with sandals and tight denim hot pants and a back with more hair than a salon floor. We were tempted to get a picture with him but decided against it. Upon reflection that was probably the right decision.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Storm
Spent the last 30 minutes watching nature at it's most awe-inspiring. Our villa seemed to be in the middle of a tropical storm. Still, being awe-inspiring isn't everything. After finding out there was a programme on TV about nicking 'Junkies' from Essex we went inside and watched that instead.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
2 Down
Since visiting the Lilo shop earlier today we've lost 2 of our purchases. The rubber tire blew up after one of us tried to dive through it. As for the volleyball we bought, it's now at the bottom of a cliff. Still, at least the 'double bed' Lilo's still alive. For now..
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Lilo Temptation
We're at the end of our first full day at the villa. Started out by driving down to the local town to buy food and lilos. The temptation to buy a bunch of inflatables got the best of us. I think we left with about 6, one of which Is the same size as a double bed. We probably emptied the shop owner of all her stock. Wouldn't be surprised if she announced her retirement after we left.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
El Woof Woof
Just saw a stray dog, which got me thinking intellectually. I wonder if the dogs here think in Spanish?
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
John McClane
I'm not a nervous flier, but our pilot today didn't half slam the plane down onto the runway. It's like he got bored of circling the airport until getting landing clearance so just ended up landing the plane like John McClane. I felt like I was on the Millennium Falcon. Star Wars reference? Classy.
Luckily, the elderly woman in front of me was a genuinely nervous flier so I had something to watch when my iPod ran out of charge.
Luckily, the elderly woman in front of me was a genuinely nervous flier so I had something to watch when my iPod ran out of charge.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Off the Plane
I'm going to class this as day 1, but we've just got off the airplane. After being metaphorically punched in the testicles by the car rental company (Who apparently claim we cancelled our rental car 2 weeks ago, which we didn't) we're faced with an hour drive to the villa.
First impressions of Spain are mostly positive. I've been here before so there's nothing new. Although in saying that, I don't remember it smelling so bad last time I travelled here. Smells of yogurt and dung. Lovely combo.
First impressions of Spain are mostly positive. I've been here before so there's nothing new. Although in saying that, I don't remember it smelling so bad last time I travelled here. Smells of yogurt and dung. Lovely combo.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Airport Tomorrow
Going to the airport tomorrow, which is strangely one of my favourite aspects of going on holiday. It's essentially a 5 hour build-up checking in and whatnot before you finally get on the plane, but I still think it's exciting. Is that sad? Most likely.
By the way, I can guarantee the person in front of me on the airplane will recline their chair all the way back. Happens to me every time. I'd love to have the nerve to knee the chair and make the person in front jolt forward as a show of my anger. Unfortunately, I don't have the nerve to be so rude. I'll stick with the usual method of sitting there timidly and just moaning about it quietly to the people sat next to me.
By the way, I can guarantee the person in front of me on the airplane will recline their chair all the way back. Happens to me every time. I'd love to have the nerve to knee the chair and make the person in front jolt forward as a show of my anger. Unfortunately, I don't have the nerve to be so rude. I'll stick with the usual method of sitting there timidly and just moaning about it quietly to the people sat next to me.
Click on 'Newer Post' to read about the next day in Spain
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
A Week Until Sun
Only 7 days until our holiday to Spain, which should be great. I'm sure I'll get a nice ear infection from the pool as usual. Something to remember the trip by. I also look forward to enjoying the Spanish Go-Karts, no doubt run by a pair of middle-aged men in white vests, ponytails and with questional moral values.
BT - British Tyrants
Our internet service provider 'BT' are kicking off because we're using too much Internet. Funny. I thought the service they offer entitles us to go on the Internet without being told off. Tossers.
"I Am But a Goldfish"
This is odd. About 4 months ago I was at college with a friend (College has since ended, and I miss it alot!") and we had an hour spare. Being young, free and stupid we eventually ended up on a website that asked us to submit a poem about one of our pets for the chance to be published in a poetry collection entitled "Animal Antics". Classy.
Long story short - My poem about my Fish Bob (Beautifully named 'I Am But a Goldfish') seemed to impress. I got a formal-looking copyright letter through the post asking me for my signature and permission to publish my poem in the book. The funniest thing about my poem is that I wasn't being serious. It was a joke entry. I think one of the lines was 'I am but a goldfish, awaiting treats from above'. Touching, right?
I seem to remember my friend Thomas also wrote an entry. Unfortunately, his portrayed a rather morbid story about his cat getting run over. Can't see that getting into 'Animal Antics' 2010. Shame.
Long story short - My poem about my Fish Bob (Beautifully named 'I Am But a Goldfish') seemed to impress. I got a formal-looking copyright letter through the post asking me for my signature and permission to publish my poem in the book. The funniest thing about my poem is that I wasn't being serious. It was a joke entry. I think one of the lines was 'I am but a goldfish, awaiting treats from above'. Touching, right?
I seem to remember my friend Thomas also wrote an entry. Unfortunately, his portrayed a rather morbid story about his cat getting run over. Can't see that getting into 'Animal Antics' 2010. Shame.
Saturday, 31 July 2010
Sunday, 11 July 2010
Spain Win World Cup!
Approximately 10 minutes ago Spain won the 2010 World Cup. The game got off to a slow start, and the first half was fairly dire. The second half, on the other hand, was much more heated. Even Nelson Mandela (who was there to witness the final as a crowd member) probably thought he was going to get fouled. Obviously the circumstances the players found themselves in were so stressful tackles were getting sloppy and cards were being issues thick and fast.
I think Spain deserved the win. Their opponents Holland seemed to have resorted to bullying Spain off of the ball with questionable tackles in the extra time stages. Spain won with dignity. Congratulations!
I think Spain deserved the win. Their opponents Holland seemed to have resorted to bullying Spain off of the ball with questionable tackles in the extra time stages. Spain won with dignity. Congratulations!
Thursday, 8 July 2010
'Vampire' Causes Car Crash [NEWS]
According to a woman driving through Colorado, a 'vampire' appeared in the middle of the road, causing her to crash her car into a canal. The woman was understandably startled by the 'vampire', quickly putting her SUV into reverse upon seeing the supernatural sight. Unfortunately, the woman wasn't looking where she was going, meaning her and her car found themselves in the water.
The woman wasn't injured in the collision and her husband eventually arrived to give her a lift home. Sadly, the 'vampire' wasn't seen afterwards. I'm guessing he felt abit guilty for standing in the middle of the road and causing all the commotion. The situation would have made more sense if the 'vampire' was found to be intoxicated. At least that would explain the abnormal standing-in-the-road-weirdly behaviour.
But, surely you can't get drunk on human blood?
The woman wasn't injured in the collision and her husband eventually arrived to give her a lift home. Sadly, the 'vampire' wasn't seen afterwards. I'm guessing he felt abit guilty for standing in the middle of the road and causing all the commotion. The situation would have made more sense if the 'vampire' was found to be intoxicated. At least that would explain the abnormal standing-in-the-road-weirdly behaviour.
But, surely you can't get drunk on human blood?
Caravan Stolen With Owner Still Inside! [NEWS]
William Roberts was happily relaxing in his caravan when he noticed something odd - It was moving and he wasn't driving. It turns out the caravan was just tempting for 2 passing 'crooks'. I'm not sure what the crooks looked like when this took place. I'm guessing they were carrying a giant bag with a dollar sign on it, whilst wearing some tights over their head and a black and white striped shirt. Stereotypical? Maybe. unfortunately, they probably didn't look like that.
Anyway, the 73-year-old caravan owner was startled to find out that the crooks had stolen the vehicle without realising he was inside. When the crooks stopped off at a lay-by, William took the opportunity and made a quick getaway on foot. The man has since told the media "I'm lucky, if I hadn't woken up I could have ended up anywhere or with an iron bar through my head".
Call me picky, but I doubt if you'd had an iron bar through your head you would have woken up, William.
Look at it. It's just too tempting. I want it!
Anyway, the 73-year-old caravan owner was startled to find out that the crooks had stolen the vehicle without realising he was inside. When the crooks stopped off at a lay-by, William took the opportunity and made a quick getaway on foot. The man has since told the media "I'm lucky, if I hadn't woken up I could have ended up anywhere or with an iron bar through my head".
Call me picky, but I doubt if you'd had an iron bar through your head you would have woken up, William.
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Asian Black Bear Becomes Kung-Fu Elite [NEWS]
The animal world can be an odd place. News recently surfaced that an Asian Black Bear kept at Asa Zoo, Japan has learnt to spin and flip a stick in such a way that he looks like a professional martial artist. Video footage (shown below) has allowed the bear, named Claude, to show off his skills to the world. I'm pretty sure if Jackie Chan died and was reincarnated as an animal, this would be the result.
When the footage was first released, many were led to question whether it was real or not. Major news companies such as CNN and CBS sent journalists to investigate the rumour and to their surprise, the Bear's antics really turned out to be genuine.
Zookeepers at Asa Zoo originally decided to give Claude a stick to help combat boredom. Clearly, there's nothing particularly exciting going on in a square, fenced-off enclosure. Who'd have thought it? Over the span of 8 years, the nimble bear developed a talent for - Stick-spinning? Not sure what to call it, really. During an interview with The Telegraph, Professor Marc Bekoff (an animal behaviour expert) stated, "I would guess this [behaviour demonstrated] is the result of extreme training and it would be hard to believe the animal taught itself this spontaneously".
Clearly there is still indecision as to whether the bear was taught these tricks or not. Still, I'm not fussed about that. I'm just certain I don't want to get on the wrong side of Claude.
When the footage was first released, many were led to question whether it was real or not. Major news companies such as CNN and CBS sent journalists to investigate the rumour and to their surprise, the Bear's antics really turned out to be genuine.
Zookeepers at Asa Zoo originally decided to give Claude a stick to help combat boredom. Clearly, there's nothing particularly exciting going on in a square, fenced-off enclosure. Who'd have thought it? Over the span of 8 years, the nimble bear developed a talent for - Stick-spinning? Not sure what to call it, really. During an interview with The Telegraph, Professor Marc Bekoff (an animal behaviour expert) stated, "I would guess this [behaviour demonstrated] is the result of extreme training and it would be hard to believe the animal taught itself this spontaneously".
Clearly there is still indecision as to whether the bear was taught these tricks or not. Still, I'm not fussed about that. I'm just certain I don't want to get on the wrong side of Claude.
Lorry Full of Money Overturned [NEWS]
Every now and then you can find yourself in the right place at the right time. Motorists travelling along a highway in Southern Italy couldn't believe their luck after a truck containing approximately 2.5 million euros in coins was overturned in an accident, allowing passing motorists to take as much of the money as they could grab! During the accident, the truck's rear door was forced open from the impact and in a matter of seconds money was pouring out of the slot like a giant casino gambling machine. On wheels.
Before the Police arrived at the scene, a significant amount of the money had already been taken. Reports state that cars made off with a total of around 10,000 dollars in one and two euro coins, which was actually being transported to local banks in the areas until the accident took place.
What would you do in the same situation? Would you take some of the money?
Before the Police arrived at the scene, a significant amount of the money had already been taken. Reports state that cars made off with a total of around 10,000 dollars in one and two euro coins, which was actually being transported to local banks in the areas until the accident took place.
What would you do in the same situation? Would you take some of the money?
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
YouTube and Justin Bieber's Website Hacked! [NEWS]
In an undeniably funny series of circumstances, a collection of popular websites were 'hacked' by an anonymous group (Perhaps we could call them 'Internet terrorists'?) as America celebrated the 4th of July. Recently, fingers have started to point at a site named '4Chan' as the group behind the attacks. Another theory states that the website 'Ebaumsworld' have something to do with the events. It is thought that the 4th of July was an ideal time for an attack of this nature as this was a day where Internet security was likely to 'lapse'
Among the sites that were hacked were YouTube (Due to a bug in the video scripting people were able to alter the makeup of the YouTube videos page so that unsuspecting viewers searching for a 'fat man doing the moonwalk'(for example) were forwarded to various, lets say 'crude' websites) Furhtermore, hackers were able to insert a fake warning message on the homepage of YouTube that stated teen singer Justin Bieber had
died in a car crash during the early hours of the morning. Obviously, this wasn't true, but it still caught the Google technical support team with its pants down.
A spokesman for google stated "We took swift action to fix a cross-site scripting vulnerability [which allows hackers to place code into a site] on YouTube.com that was discovered several hours ago. Comments were temporarily hidden by default within an hour, and we released a complete fix for the issue in about two hours. We're continuing to study the vulnerability to help prevent similar issues in the future"
Luckily for YouTube, the Google team were able to remove the bug on the video-sharing site within a matter of hours,after receiving an onslaught of complaints from angry and confused Internet users. Still, not everybody was safe from the attacks so quickly, were they Mr. Justin Bieber?
Yes, Bieber was also targeted directly by hackers, with his website being taken over in hilarious fashion. A poll on Bieber's website featured a question that asked viewers where they felt he should tour next. Creative hackers managed to alter the poll so North Korea flew to the number 1 suggested location, with just under 500,000 votes being cast for this option. Israel followed in the number 2 spot.
You've got to admire their creativity, haven't you?
Among the sites that were hacked were YouTube (Due to a bug in the video scripting people were able to alter the makeup of the YouTube videos page so that unsuspecting viewers searching for a 'fat man doing the moonwalk'(for example) were forwarded to various, lets say 'crude' websites) Furhtermore, hackers were able to insert a fake warning message on the homepage of YouTube that stated teen singer Justin Bieber had
died in a car crash during the early hours of the morning. Obviously, this wasn't true, but it still caught the Google technical support team with its pants down.
A spokesman for google stated "We took swift action to fix a cross-site scripting vulnerability [which allows hackers to place code into a site] on YouTube.com that was discovered several hours ago. Comments were temporarily hidden by default within an hour, and we released a complete fix for the issue in about two hours. We're continuing to study the vulnerability to help prevent similar issues in the future"
Luckily for YouTube, the Google team were able to remove the bug on the video-sharing site within a matter of hours,after receiving an onslaught of complaints from angry and confused Internet users. Still, not everybody was safe from the attacks so quickly, were they Mr. Justin Bieber?
Yes, Bieber was also targeted directly by hackers, with his website being taken over in hilarious fashion. A poll on Bieber's website featured a question that asked viewers where they felt he should tour next. Creative hackers managed to alter the poll so North Korea flew to the number 1 suggested location, with just under 500,000 votes being cast for this option. Israel followed in the number 2 spot.
You've got to admire their creativity, haven't you?
Wednesday, 30 June 2010
Odd, Surreal, Surreal, Odd
This is my last day in college. Just under an hour and I'll be going home for the last time. Seems odd. Very surreal. Also sat in the same computer centre that I wrote my first blog post in. Also very surreal. And odd.
In this weeks ego-boost news, I've had about 1100 people look at this blog. Wow!
In this weeks ego-boost news, I've had about 1100 people look at this blog. Wow!
A2 Over!
Just had my last exam. Overall, I'd say they've gone pretty average-ish. It's nice to have abit of freedom now. It means I can beef up the blog with more news stories about foreign people with extra limbs and snakes that smoke cigarettes etc. You've missed it, haven't you?
Capello
The medias grasp is tightening on the England manager, and many people are saying he should resign. unfortunately, he's already signed a contract that bounds him to the club for another 4 years. Rumours say that he's on about £6,000,000 a year, which you'd think could afford him some common sense. It's a shame that England's World Cup dream has sunk like the Titanic (actually abit quicker than the Titanic) because it would have been amazing to see the hype justified.
I can't work out whether to feel sorry for the team or angry that they performed so badly. I'm undecided. I'll stay sat on the fence for this one, I think. Doesn't matter if the Enland team try and kick me off the fence. They'd miss.
I can't work out whether to feel sorry for the team or angry that they performed so badly. I'm undecided. I'll stay sat on the fence for this one, I think. Doesn't matter if the Enland team try and kick me off the fence. They'd miss.
Goodbye World Cup!
England have crashed out of the World Cup in fantastic style, loosing to a German team that may aswell have pulled the trousers down of each and every English player on that pitch and spanked them. Because that's what the match was - A graphic, 1-sided spanking.
Controversially, our second goal went in. It crossed the line by about a foot, and the linesman didn't see it. Naturally, that linesman's hated in England now. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a sniper lying in wait on a roof across the street from his house. An English sniper; obviously.
Admittedly we deserved to loose. Our defence was about as useful as a pencil with no lead, and Wayne Rooney (who's meant to be one of our 'dark horses') was about as good as an actual horse, if not worse. I'm pretty sure even Black Beauty could have at least got a touch on the ball before the Germans dribbled past.
Controversially, our second goal went in. It crossed the line by about a foot, and the linesman didn't see it. Naturally, that linesman's hated in England now. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a sniper lying in wait on a roof across the street from his house. An English sniper; obviously.
Admittedly we deserved to loose. Our defence was about as useful as a pencil with no lead, and Wayne Rooney (who's meant to be one of our 'dark horses') was about as good as an actual horse, if not worse. I'm pretty sure even Black Beauty could have at least got a touch on the ball before the Germans dribbled past.
Daisy
I haven't mentioned my dog much on this blog really, which is unusual seeing as she's done so many weird, bandwidth-worthy things. Anyway, mother nature has seen her blossom into a dribbling, water-trough diving mess. Here she is, sat in a field looking like there should be a beauty magazine title photoshopped above her head.
Vein bitch. No really, she's a bitch.
Vein bitch. No really, she's a bitch.
Toe
Stubbed my toe the other day and spent about 30 minutes mounted to the kitchen sink soon after. Here's some evidence for you:
The weirdest thing about it was the aftermath. I didn't even notice I'd stubbed it until I looked down at the kitchen floor and it looked like a scene from a SAW film.
Annoyingly, I had to resort to wearing 3 socks on the same foot which meant I walked lop-sided, like a dazed, clumsy bleeding drunk.
The weirdest thing about it was the aftermath. I didn't even notice I'd stubbed it until I looked down at the kitchen floor and it looked like a scene from a SAW film.
Annoyingly, I had to resort to wearing 3 socks on the same foot which meant I walked lop-sided, like a dazed, clumsy bleeding drunk.
The World Cup
I can't think of any sport that brings people together like Football does. England vs. Slovenia was being shown at college today. It's the first time I've seen the plasma screens used for something other than displaying students 'artwork', which often looks like somebody took a gulp of paint and sneezed it back out. Still, they can get away with it because it's art. The problem with art is if you slag it off you always get somebody defending it by saying something along the lines, "Of course you don't like it. You don't know good art when you see it!" or "you've got to look beyond the picture!"
Sunday, 27 June 2010
England VS. Germany - World Cup 2010
The whole nation rolled its eyes to the sky and muttered 'shite' under its breath today after England were knocked out of the World Cup following a 4-1 defeat.
Admittedly, we were outplayed in terms of creativity, vision and finish.
But - One of our efforts at goal did actually cross the line. It was about a foot over. Anybody could have seen that. Anybody. Yet, the referee played on, and the goal was disallowed. I think the fact that Football is arguably the most wide-played and popular sport in the world and yet Goal-line technology has not been implemented at professional level (especially for a large scale event like the World Cup) is completely ridiculous and unjustified.
Having that goal disallowed completely changed the psychology of the English team. Understandably, they were dispirited. So was the rest of England.
Here's a video of the goal that was disallowed:
--
--
Finally, here's an artists impression of what the linesman probably saw:
Saturday, 26 June 2010
Muse - Glastonbury
It's very hard to put into words Muse's incredible performance this year at Glastonbury music festival 2010. Starting at 10:30 and going into the early hours of the morning, the set proved something we all already knew. An incredible band with incredible music, creativity, talent and spectacle. Muse are the one and only reason I'll ever want to go to festivals like Glastonbury and Reading.
Saturday, 19 June 2010
Full Circle
Today's my last day at college! I'm going to miss everybody that made it such a laugh. Thankfully I didn't have any bad teachers over the years which helped make lessons slightly more bearable.
To mark my final period at college me and my friend attempted to get the I.T man to put the infamous 'THE COMPUTERS ARE FOR COLLEGE USE ONLY' by going on Youtube.
He wasn't interested. Seems a shame, really. It's also weird to think I started this blog at this college, sat in the I.T centre, twiddling my thumbs.
To mark my final period at college me and my friend attempted to get the I.T man to put the infamous 'THE COMPUTERS ARE FOR COLLEGE USE ONLY' by going on Youtube.
He wasn't interested. Seems a shame, really. It's also weird to think I started this blog at this college, sat in the I.T centre, twiddling my thumbs.
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
Microsoft and STD's
Is it somehow tragic that I found this amusing? I was putting some notes together for my Media exam revision and at the bottom of the page it said 'INSRT STD', which to me translates as 'Insert sexually transmitted disease'
Since when were Microsoft so filthy?
Since when were Microsoft so filthy?
[Click to enlarge.]
Monday, 7 June 2010
Cobwebs
Hello everybody. Yep, I'm still alive. I haven't even looked back at this blog recently. I've had so much else occupying my time. I mainly mean revision. June is exam month and if I want to get anywhere I need to do well in these exams. I've been doing well in terms of dedicating lots of time to studying. It'll be a shame if my efforts don't prove to be worthwhile.
As soon as my exams are over, I can focus more attention on this blog. I miss having the freedom to research news stories and write about then. Thankfully, when the exams are over I'll be able to bulk up both the 'News' section and the 'Reviews' section of the blog. I haven't written in either of those sections in what seems like ages.
I'm going on holiday in the summer and so plan to write daily while I'm there. Spain; if you're asking. Naturally, my daily logs will be full to the brim with wit and sarcasm, traits you've learnt to love / put up with.
Watch this space!
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
Wake Up
This is easily the worst thing to stare at after you roll out of bed and turn your computer on.
[Click to enlarge. Unless your eyesight is incredibly good.If you can read that without enlarging you're most likely a monster.]
Sunday, 16 May 2010
Alien Spiders
Woke up at 6.30am this morning thanks to a horrific dream that consisted of a giant spider dropping through a hole in the lounge ceiling and proceeding to kill my whole family in alphabetical order.
Snot Factory
I had a mock exam today, so it was important I could put my full attention into what I was doing. Unfortunately, my nose prevented me from doing this. I produced more snot in an hour during that exam than a cow produces milk in a year.
There's a high chance I pissed off most of the class with my sniffling, and I left the room with tissue particles welded to my jumper which, rather annoyingly, was black.
There's a high chance I pissed off most of the class with my sniffling, and I left the room with tissue particles welded to my jumper which, rather annoyingly, was black.
Friday, 14 May 2010
Visitor Review - Tim Cade
Many thanks to Time Cade for his delightful take on The Morgan Chronicles:
-----
It is not often that one becomes so bored that they consider brutal mutilation of oneself with a small and very blunt pencil, which would be rammed constantly against ones own temple until it, or your skull cracks and your last hours of misery end with you slumped over the computer – the eternal bark produced by your machine as you head rests against the keys as it plays you off into the dark valleys.
That however is what the unwitting Internet surfer is faced with when exploring the endless amounts of blogs that confront them in World Wide Web. Bloggers; a race confined to soiled chairs , where their chubby fingers, wallowed in the stench of grease and fat stumble aimlessly, like the eternal drunk across their keyboard in an irremediable attempt at constructing a sentence worth any perception.
The Morgan Chronicles is such a blog. The writer, or should I say the conductor of this shambolic keyboard march is the impetuous Tom Morgan. A member of the imbecilic masses he adopts a moronic stance on topical news, raping it of its value and repackaging it as material so senseless it is laughable.
Take a recent ‘news story’, one which reflects the utter insensateness and pathetic perspicacity the conductor has on current affairs. An article written at 13:41 on May 7th illustrates brilliantly the author’s stupidity in even his own affairs. “Unfortunately, I haven't been able to vote because my voting slip wasn't posted to me” was a quote from such article. I offer my complete condolences, providing his mind can swallow such a word because supposedly not being able to exercise his right to vote is a sad thing. I will also go as far to say that I ‘recognise’ a statement at the end of one paragraph “I think the problem with the voting system is that too many people make uninformed decisions” to be one of validity. Yes Tom, too few people do understand the voting system and make uniformed decisions, one of them being yourself. It is no requirement that you bring your poll card to the polling station it just speeds up the process. As long as you applied and are recognised on the list then you can vote – no need for a polling card. As you brilliantly put it : "Point proven, I think"
-----
Remember, if you want to submit a chronicles review simply send it to me via E-mail at sharkbait92@hotmail.com - Remember, the reviews submitted have to be negative and humorous. Get writing, folks!
-----
It is not often that one becomes so bored that they consider brutal mutilation of oneself with a small and very blunt pencil, which would be rammed constantly against ones own temple until it, or your skull cracks and your last hours of misery end with you slumped over the computer – the eternal bark produced by your machine as you head rests against the keys as it plays you off into the dark valleys.
That however is what the unwitting Internet surfer is faced with when exploring the endless amounts of blogs that confront them in World Wide Web. Bloggers; a race confined to soiled chairs , where their chubby fingers, wallowed in the stench of grease and fat stumble aimlessly, like the eternal drunk across their keyboard in an irremediable attempt at constructing a sentence worth any perception.
The Morgan Chronicles is such a blog. The writer, or should I say the conductor of this shambolic keyboard march is the impetuous Tom Morgan. A member of the imbecilic masses he adopts a moronic stance on topical news, raping it of its value and repackaging it as material so senseless it is laughable.
Take a recent ‘news story’, one which reflects the utter insensateness and pathetic perspicacity the conductor has on current affairs. An article written at 13:41 on May 7th illustrates brilliantly the author’s stupidity in even his own affairs. “Unfortunately, I haven't been able to vote because my voting slip wasn't posted to me” was a quote from such article. I offer my complete condolences, providing his mind can swallow such a word because supposedly not being able to exercise his right to vote is a sad thing. I will also go as far to say that I ‘recognise’ a statement at the end of one paragraph “I think the problem with the voting system is that too many people make uninformed decisions” to be one of validity. Yes Tom, too few people do understand the voting system and make uniformed decisions, one of them being yourself. It is no requirement that you bring your poll card to the polling station it just speeds up the process. As long as you applied and are recognised on the list then you can vote – no need for a polling card. As you brilliantly put it : "Point proven, I think"
-----
Remember, if you want to submit a chronicles review simply send it to me via E-mail at sharkbait92@hotmail.com - Remember, the reviews submitted have to be negative and humorous. Get writing, folks!
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
Cameron becomes the new British Prime Minister!
Gordon Brown has stepped down as Prime Minister as David Cameron has taken over. I really don't envy Cameron here. Running Britain must be a tough job. I can't even run a squad on Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.
Undoubtedly this is going to be a particularly influential moment for Britain in terms of its future. However, one cannot deny how outrageous of David Cameron it was to postpone tonight's episode of Eastenders to address the nation. It seems Facebook agrees:
Facebook Group 1 - "Yay Eastenders is on! Only joking, the prime minister's resigned" - Members: 40,000+
Facebook Group 2 - "David Cameron forgot to apologise for postponing Eastenders!" - Members: 2000+
Undoubtedly this is going to be a particularly influential moment for Britain in terms of its future. However, one cannot deny how outrageous of David Cameron it was to postpone tonight's episode of Eastenders to address the nation. It seems Facebook agrees:
Facebook Group 1 - "Yay Eastenders is on! Only joking, the prime minister's resigned" - Members: 40,000+
Facebook Group 2 - "David Cameron forgot to apologise for postponing Eastenders!" - Members: 2000+
Thursday, 6 May 2010
Election Sleep
I'm going to sleep now. It's 00:07am of the day that the election results will be revealed. Pretty much all the major news channels (e.g. BBC, ITV, Sky, Channel 4) are covering the event and, as interesting as it's becoming, the constant onslaught of numerical charts and ever-changing figures are sending me to sleep.
Apparently there are storys appearing of people being turned away from polling stations because of an unexpected amount of voters and perhaps a lack of preperation from local authoritiess preparing the stations too.
It's an odd thought to think that when I wake up there might be (it's looking likely) a new power running Britain.
Nighty night.
Apparently there are storys appearing of people being turned away from polling stations because of an unexpected amount of voters and perhaps a lack of preperation from local authoritiess preparing the stations too.
It's an odd thought to think that when I wake up there might be (it's looking likely) a new power running Britain.
Nighty night.
The Elections
The elections have become a massive talking point in the media recently, and it makes sense that I document today so I can look back at this blog post and go "Ah yes, the day ____ won the election. How memorable." Today, the voting began and later this evening / in the early hours of tomorrow morning it'll be revealed who has won the election. The main runners are of course The Liberal Democrats, Labour, and The Conservatives.
Unfortunately, I haven't been able to vote because my voting slip wasn't posted to me. Clearly, my opinion means nothing.
To be honest, I'm not terribly gutted not to be voting. Sure; it would be nice to have an impact on a day that'll most likely prove to be extremely influential to Britain, but I don't like the idea of voting without knowing a significant amount about each party and working out who to vote for through looking at that policies. I think the problem with the voting system is that too many people make uninformed decisions.
Somebody at college today said they were voting Liberal Democrats because they thought Nick Clegg's tie looked nice when he appeared on the live television debate last week. Point proven, I think.
Saturday, 1 May 2010
Nerdy Excitement - Part 2
Turns out my Just Cause 2 video reached another gaming website! This time the article's written in English. you can check out the link below:
http://unrealitymag.com/index.php/2010/04/28/crazy-insane-just-cause-2-stunts/
Click the picture for a closer look
Again, the article takes the form of a collection / list of stunts uploaded to Youtube, but it feels great to get a mention! I particularly like the caption they use to go with my video:
'Sure,you could survive that'.
Click the picture for a closer look
Comedy gold, Unreality Magazine, comedy gold.
Nerdy Excitement
As a nerd, it takes very little to excite me. Recently, I uploaded a video of myself crashing a car on a game called 'Just Cause 2', an experience essentially consisting of blowing things up and shooting terrorists and ninjas with various equipment you buy out of the back of some old guys jeep.
About 30 minutes after uploading the video, I was surprised to see that I'd managed to clock over 3000 videos views in a couple of hours. I used the YouTube 'Insight' feature to find out where all this Internet traffic was coming from.
Click the picture for a closer look
Turns out my video's featured on a German gaming website as the bottom of the page, in an article on Just Cause 2! Check out the link below for the full article:
From my extensive knowledge of the German language (not.) I've gathered that it's some kind of 'Top 10 things to do in Just Cause' list. My stunt's under page 7. I'm famous in Deutschland, yo! From the homepage of the German gaming website, I clicked this banner to take me to my video.
Click the picture for a closer look
Tuesday, 27 April 2010
World Domination
Below is a map showing where people are looking at the blog from. As you can see, I'm taking over the world. What a horrible thought.
As for all you Americans out there, you're not safe either. Looks like The Morgan Chronicles has taken over the East coast by storm! Sort of / Not at all.
As for all you Americans out there, you're not safe either. Looks like The Morgan Chronicles has taken over the East coast by storm! Sort of / Not at all.
Click the pictures for a closer look to track the global phenomenon that is The Morgan Chronicles.
Timetables
Made a revision timetable yesterday, essentially comitting myself to approximately 2 months of revision and thus 2 months of a spiralling journey to insanity.
Trust
Once in a while I find it's beneficial to look through your junk email folder just on the chance you strike gold.
Today I did. After looking excitedly through various messages on 'how to get ripped in 4 weeks' and 'how to be a beast in the bedroom' I found a message from a 'Mrs Amina Phillips', who has decided to leave me $9.5 million in her will.
You've most likely gathered 2 things so far. Firstly, this message is obviously just a scam to get me to hand over my credit card details and secondly, Amina Phillips is a very generous lady.
I'd like to thank the writers of this pathetic scam message for producing a comedic gem. I've got afew questions about the content of the message though. What kind of woman doesn't trust her own relatives and would rather give $9.5 million to a complete stranger? Secondly, what kind of respectable lawyer uses his MSN Hotmail account to process a $9.5 million transfer?
My faourite line is "I know I have never met you but my mind tells me to do this,and I hope you act sincerely."
Today I did. After looking excitedly through various messages on 'how to get ripped in 4 weeks' and 'how to be a beast in the bedroom' I found a message from a 'Mrs Amina Phillips', who has decided to leave me $9.5 million in her will.
You've most likely gathered 2 things so far. Firstly, this message is obviously just a scam to get me to hand over my credit card details and secondly, Amina Phillips is a very generous lady.
Click the thumbnail above to have a look at the full message.
I'd like to thank the writers of this pathetic scam message for producing a comedic gem. I've got afew questions about the content of the message though. What kind of woman doesn't trust her own relatives and would rather give $9.5 million to a complete stranger? Secondly, what kind of respectable lawyer uses his MSN Hotmail account to process a $9.5 million transfer?
My faourite line is "I know I have never met you but my mind tells me to do this,and I hope you act sincerely."
Friday, 23 April 2010
The Van
It's relatively hot in England now and so everybody with a pulse is now sporting very rarely worn shorts and skirts. Obviously which of these people are wearing depends alot on their
gender.
The Ice Cream van has taken up it's usual spot by the front of college, which is convenient for the people that smoke because their 'cage' is about a fags throw from the van.
I like the way the van is placed in an area where everybody can see it. it's like a lion preying on a limping gazelle, but instead using overpriced drinks and heart-attack-inducing, sugar coated lollipops to stalk prey.
gender.
The Ice Cream van has taken up it's usual spot by the front of college, which is convenient for the people that smoke because their 'cage' is about a fags throw from the van.
I like the way the van is placed in an area where everybody can see it. it's like a lion preying on a limping gazelle, but instead using overpriced drinks and heart-attack-inducing, sugar coated lollipops to stalk prey.
Snot Bomb
Today I forgot to take a hayfever tablet in the morning, which makes me nervous. Why? Because now I'm a ticking snot bomb just waiting to go off. I have no idea when the sniffles and snotty nose combination will strike, but I know they'll strike hard when they do.
Thursday, 22 April 2010
Visitor Review - Sam Greatorex
Many thanks to Sam Greatorex for his thoroughly poetic Morgan Chronicles blog review:
-----
I wouldn’t know how to describe the Morgan Chronicles if you asked me,
Upon trying to access the blog from college, I was greeted by a notification that it has been blocked for “antisemetic content.” Perhaps I should have taken this as a warning of what was it come, but no, foolishly I continued undeterred in my attempt to gain access. Once free from the iron grip of Internet censors, I returned, and was finally able to view the forbidden content which lies within.
As a writer, Mr Morgan exudes an overwhelming sense of immaturity, barely being able to transcribe a single rational sentence before falling back into his well-practiced retinue of bad jokes and poorly attempted sarcasm. Despite this apparent lack of direction, demarcations between the focus of particular entries have been created, namely between the “News Page” and “Game Reviews.” From my analysis, the “News Page” leaves much to be desired; it consists almost entirely of plagiarised news segments from the Metro. Any original content which does accidentally find its way in is almost invariably written in a tone appropriate for a child who had only recently learnt how to read. The reader is patronised repeatedly by the way in which Mr Morgan writes as if to indicate that he is speaking to an audience, a lie which is made so painfully obvious by the fact that almost every article has not a single comment or ratings, and indeed, the total number of page-views for the entire blog barely exceeds the total number of articles which have been published.
If you thought the “Game Reviews” section was going to be an improvement, then you have been sadly mistaken. This section merely serves as a deceptive attempt to direct more page views to the blog, as evidence by the comments from a young Yugoslavian boy who left a comment reading “What? This isn’t IGN!” Indeed, from statistical data I have retrieved, the Yugoslavian boy seems to be the only regular visitor to the blog at all, whether this is due to his own will or a technical glitch is point of considerable debate. A ‘bounce rate’ of over 50% is yet more evidence that I am not alone in my desire to leave this blog almost immediately after the page loads - the revulsion one experiences is not unlike how it feels to listen to Nick Clegg talking about the benefits of a multicultural society.
To conclude, with absolutely no redeeming factors, this blog is an abject failure. Do not under any circumstance ruin your low blood pressure by attempting to wade through the ineptitude which seeps out of Mr Morgan’s keyboard. This blog is going nowhere.
-----
Remember, if you want to submit a chronicles review simply send it to me via E-mail at sharkbait92@hotmail.com - Remember, the reviews submitted have to be negative and humorous. Get writing, folks!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
